Edward Hotspur

The Official WordPress Blog Of Edward Hotspur – whoever that is.


I’m starting this quotes page. When I see something worth quoting, I’ll put it here and link to it if possible. I’m not talking about quotes from rich, famous, brilliant and beautiful celebrities. I’m talking about quotes from you people.

This first quote is not necessarily the one that inspired me to make this page, but then again, it’s in the ballpark, Frank.

ashleysthoughtsays: Now that you mentioned it, I would be interested in seeing Bob Barker’s penis because I’m kinda into archeology.

Mai Wardsays: Best first 2 sentences of the best About page I’ve read so far!

Sheena said 3 hours ago: Coffee and anal has always been my favorite…goooood tiiiiiimes…umph!

Edward Hotspursays: That’s awesome! The Lard’s Prayer!

Nora Blithe says:  Ha! Lard’s prayer! Best pun on this site EVER!

lifeinthefarcelane said 2 hours ago: I don’t get it .. there is NO reason for people not to shower, take a mint and slap on a bit of deodorant!!? Is it arrogance? Lack of awareness .. What? It’s awful whatever handle we apply, that is for sure!

bestbathroombooks said 6 hours ago:

I love that you were driving and texting at the same time. I hope you were eating and masturbating too.
I’m so proud of you.

joehoover says: So being denied a look at breasts will shorten your life? Could someone reasonably be guilty of manslaughter by denying them this health benefit?

Comment by Edward Hotspur : Just because there isn’t an G-spot doesn’t mean there’s not an El-G spot! Bam!

Comment by El Guapo Yeah, baby!

Comment by Edward Hotspur  Yeah! Guapo gets the ladies flying like a G6! He’s the man! He’s hung like a Snuffalupagus.

You said 2 days ago:  Can you tell me how to get – how to get to Cumming Drive?

freechick said 2 days ago: I believe you have to make your way up Slutshole Lane first :)

“Older Lady: Aww thanks for helping me, I wish I could pay you back, but I’m guessing I’m too old to take you dinner”
The appropriate answer is:
“Thank you for the offer, but I don’t eat. Ever. I get all of my sustenance from rainbows and helping others.”
Posted by disseminatedthought 

El Guapo says:

January 15, 2012 at 9:29 pm (Edit)

If you haven’t been freshly pressed already for this, it will happen as soon as the FP are unfrozen from the trance brought on by awesome splendiferousness of the images above.
And of course, the list.

May they vomit their praise into your stats!!!

Ashleysthought says: Even though none of the stuff he writes about interests me, I cannot stop reading it.

El Guapo said 5 hours ago:

I wouldn’t mind a sign that said
“Welcome to my kitchen. Careful, I have a knife.”

Ashleysthought On Superbowl 2012: I really hope the Eagles can pull off a win today.

Edward Hotspursays:

Thank you so much, BBB! Now WE have to choose five things we’d stick up our asses? That’s fucking ridiculous, dude! I can’t believe you would have us name five things we’d shove up our poopers. I mean, five? Hello, more like ten! I’ve had THAT list done for 3 years, BB-RoomB, and once I do the rest, I’ll be sticking this award out there on someone else.

Congratulations for naming 5 bloggers. And then naming 5 more bloggers. No one would have seen that coming, especially if they had the football that scored the Super Bowl game winning touchdown shoved up their ass, McFisto! Also the part about the fruit was confusing. You said the fruit was out of the can – but how would you shove it in your can if it was out of the can? And did you have to put all five things in at once? What if David Beckham ate some of the fruit and pretzels? Would it still count as 5 things? What if David Beckham shoved 4 of the things up HIS ass, and then you shoved HIM up YOUR ass? Would that count as 5 in YOUR ass, or would it be a back door (see what I did there?) way for HIM to win this award?

sandylikeabeach says: I’m with H.E. on this, I think the porn will win because the Super Bowl is yesterday’s news and porn doesn’t have an expiration date.

hrnightmare said 6 hours ago::) See that little smile? See it? That’s me keeping my mouth shut on this one. And yes she blew up my Corvette and ok, she also destroyed my best creation ever by blowing a 5.5 inch hole in the side on the engine block where I could remove the #2 piston without touching the side wall. And yes, the car was crazy fast and tuned just right for breakneck speeds anywhere. It was broken only 2 weeks after the final tweeks to make it race ready. But I hold no grudge to that. Instead, I’m holding Frank Stallone hostage. But please don’t tell HE. She has no sense of humor about that car.

I would also like to point out I would have commented earlier, but was indisposed over the weekend. My fluid levels and feeling in my extremities are returning nicely. Thanks for the help, HE.

sparklebumps said 8 hours ago: NOT winning! This is MY blog! I WIN!!!! ;)

H.E. ELLISsays:

You know you are going to have to do one between Jesus and the Easter Bunny, right?

I know, I know, I’m going to hell.

Rachael Black says: Edward you’re so evil. Love that about you.

A Spamment said: Unaware of the other drunken sleepers in the room I was offered a condom, took the lead and went on top.

kayjai says: The smelly IT guy is sitting in my office as I write this because I sent my second request for new software to be put on a computer for a student who will be writing a test tomorrow…he ignored my first one I sent last week. Idiot. That whole thing had nothing to do with your lovely post about love and anniversaries and Geo Storms…sorry. He’s invading my personal space and I’m not able to enjoy your space as much as I could have. I’ll come back again later….

lizziecrackedsays: Wow – that was just plain coolness with a big random bow! I kissed the screen – did you see it there on your stats? No? ok well just a peck

I am stubborn til I lose interest…except in love I usually go down with the ship kinda kamikaze style – cracked and screaming weird shit that …ok .
I like you too. – oh sorry mid thought I was thinking that this has been a stellar week in the i like people department because I told Gingersnaaaps that too but I – i mean I do like her and I told her I like her because she is weird and she is in a weird way that’s good and I would seem kinda like I have canned responses if I said I like you are weird – now see even if the order were different….it just….i can’t do it.
It was actually last week but same 7 day period. So you are outta luck. But I like you anyways…. :-) Peace

itchemeyersays: Hahaha! You made me laugh like the guy with the evil laugh who always laughs the loudest in the movie even though the hero always says “we’ll see who’s laughing when I get to you” because heroes never laugh when they face off with other people, and the other guy is usually laughing till he dies, thus proving something or other about the moral quality of laughers.
sparklebumpssays: You realize that’s the way I intend to become famous,, right? Jamming out in my dented up car? The dent draws peoples’ attention… they don’t even realize they’re getting hooked on me..

girl in the hat said 20 hours ago (Not about me): Sometimes you make me laugh hysterically and then in the next paragraph you’re breaking my heart. And then my mouth is laughing but my eyes are crying fat tears and it all mixes together in a kind of sobbing-cackling gurgle. Oh, man, how do you do that?

Anastasia said 3 hours ago: I liked, didn’t read and refuse to comment. I defy the universe to punish me.

munchow said 4 hours ago: Where appropriate questions – or wondering. And funny. I enjoyed your list immensely. But I am not sure if I am ready to eat Whiskers. If you change the -ers with -y, that would be a different story.

John said 27 minutes ago:Ahhh, the difference one little letter can make!

H.E. ELLISFeb 11, 11:53 pm Send some of those “sleep” clouds my way. I’m four hours past my normal bed time. Yeah, I’m super old.
sandylikeabeachsays:  I’ve danced naked and I’ve danced on a bar, but I haven’t danced naked on a bar, so I don’t think Facebook knows half as much as it thinks it knows, but probably knows seven eighths more than we want it to know.
pouringmyartoutsays:  “Pee may be the text message to nature, but dropping the deuce is still a special delivery package.”… Albert Einstein.
pouringmyartoutsays:  When you love someone enough to be better, to want to be a better person, that love is special. When it brings out the best in you, even when it is broken, even when you are hurting, that love is special. This kind of love does not lend itself well to revenge ad anger. Once again, the wide range of your creative talents has taken me by surprise.\
Elyse: Edward, these are really funny. I especially like “a house divided cannot stand itself.” Brilliant. Sounds like Congress.

sandylikeabeach said 13 minutes ago:

They don’t have an Edward Hotspur Day. Perhaps we should start a campaign to get that on the calendar.

El Guaposays:

Oh my goodness – YOU’RE A NARCISSIST!!!

Edward Hotspursays:

16 years of marriage and parenthood. You won’t convince Hotspur that the Divine Wind is solely a male trait.

lifeinthefarcelane said 3 hours ago:

You realise some people will be reading this and going “who the hell is Fred”??

Kelly Cautillo

But it’s still a mushroom, yes? The likelihood of me then being able to bear the thought of having it anywhere near my mouth is very slim. The only mushrooms I actually enjoy are the sweet kind, covered in coconut.

theresultsmayvary said 4 days ago:

When my sister was young, she rubbed the cat’s tummy for a long time and he got an erection. Pretty impressive for a neutered cat. She married young too. I wonder if she had a talent?

Mr Hotspur does not want to talk about a lot does he ahaha ;)

Edward Hotspursays:

Hotspur wishes to go tell it on the mountain that he only has 9 hours left in his not referring to himself with certain words. He started at 6pm EST on Friday, and at 6pm Saturday he will cease to exist. Or, to do this thing.

But Hotspur, being himself, intentionally went out and looked at new blogs and left comments in third person, just to do it. He’s such a dick, or ‘awesome’.

Hotspur should suck it up and go the whole day like the rest of the un-narcissistic are. It is impressive that you are intentially tormenting others with your third-person antics though…

Hotspur should go a full 6 hours longer than everyone else? This is acceptable to him. He typically can last 6 hours longer than most people. He is very very manly. Or very very sleepy.

Chris Sheridansays:

You know what, Ed? This shit just isn’t funny, or meaningful, or witty, or deep, or anything else worthwhile for that matter. You just throw up this convoluted collection of words and images, and because it’s confusing and vague, it’s supposed to be deep. What if it’s not deep at all, but just confusing and vague, and vaguely annoying? Or what if it’s just boring? Guy with facility for pseudo-clever word combinations strings together boring nonsense. There’s a certain dishonesty about it – as though you think that the more inscrutable your style of writing is, the more your readers will think there’s more to it, when there’s really nothing to it at all. Maybe you might want to try getting real for a change…

The worst thing is, that we wouldn’t even be having this convo, if it wasn’t for your obsessive jealousy over a woman – a woman that I recently made friends with, and I guess, that you have a seriously emotional crush on. I’m cool with her talking to you. Are you cool with me talking to her??

I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mr. Sheridan, and as far as I’m concerned, WE’RE not having this conversation as it is utterly one-sided. If I said something specific that offended you in some way, why don’t you come right out and tell me? The way you have chosen to handle this so far, quite frankly, appears to be resorting to making disparaging attacks against me in Latin on other people’s blogs and similar passive-aggressive backhanded and sneaky weasel tactics. Which I have pretty much let slide until now. That’s not very gentlemanly, particularly the ‘manly’ part.

As for my writing, Mr. Sheridan, if you don’t like it, I cordially invite you to click ‘unfollow’ and stop reading my blog. But that’s not true, is it, Mr. Sheridan. I’ve checked your past comments on my posts, and according to them, you fucking LOVE my writing. But you do have a point – this particular post doesn’t have the riveting Pulitzer Prize-winning ambiance of, say, Vive Le Celery, or one of your hilarious-yet-deep bits on your frequent bouts with writer’s block.

Everyone has a bad day. Let’s not make this ugly, shall we? State your business and move on.


Hey Edward! This is Cory (owner of Life in Letters). We REALLY appreciate the positive plug, and all of the supportive comments above. I have to say, I love the talk about the colonoscopy :) We just did a piece the other day (this is no lie) that said “POOP”. It was framed in a classy cherry frame, which I’m sure will compliment the customer’s other POOP regalia. I have a pic of it, but can’t find it right now. If I find it I will post it here. Thanks again.

It is absolutely my pleasure, and I hope my tiny blog has brought you some business. I have a callous on my forehead from all the times I’ve smacked it after seeing simple, obvious and extremely good ideas like yours. It’s shops like yours that make The Greene a cool place to go. I talk about the Greene all the time in my blog, and yours is one of the few shops I’ve mentioned. When I heard about it, I knew it would make a great post, and was worthy of a good review.

ashleysthoughtsays: I’m so glad I married you, Edward.

sandylikeabeachsays: I grade on the curve – the curve of the penis, to be exact.

Edward Hotspur: There are diminishing returns on perfectionism. That’s why I frequently hit ‘publish’ after I’ve gotten to the end of whatever I’m typing, regardless of whether it makes sense or has a couple of errors or whatever. In my opinion, the peace from being finished trumps the stress brought on by perfectionism. You’ll never be finished if you insist on perfection.

Or will you?

Because… look at a field of flowers. They’re all perfect, right? But they’re also different. They aren’t precisely the same. This means there is more than one way to be perfect. And sometimes it’s more important to capture the perfect moment than to capture the perfect grammar.

sandylikeabeach said 3 hours ago:

I’m going to tell this little tale at our Cinco de Mayo celebration tonight in Homestead, because apparently you can’t find good Mexican food in Miami so we’re driving to Homestead. I’ll tell my friends it must be true because I heard it from Eduardo El Estimulo Caliente!

nukemm33says: I don’t remember if I’ve really read any of your blogs or just hit the like button and glanced at them to see if there was anything interesting. Although, I did spend an unusual amount of time starting at the picture in your post yesterday. Anyway, your sentences were very jumpy and random. I mean this as a compliment. I like people who write how they think, and furthermore think by jumping around from idea to idea…because that’s how I think. Because I was dropped on my head as a baby. Or perhaps I fell into a vat of toxic goo. I like that idea better because it insinuates the possibility of superpowers.

Sightsnbytessays: Q. What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The Taste.

GingerSnaapsays:  I think I like this one better than the ‘Fuck You’ post.

sparklebumpssays: OK, I do the same thing. Are you sure you and I aren’t married?

H.E. ELLISsays: Ooohhh….second helping sex!

Maggie O’Csays:  Did it ping you? That’s what she said. No, I should save that for my hardcore porn postings. Is that hardcorn? hahaha

The Hobblersays: Hey Hotspur? You whine a lot.

~the more you know~

Jodi Ambrosesays: Great post! And I LOVE the background image on your blog. Makes me wanna take a nap!

Edward Hotspur on May 13, 2012 at 9:24 am said:

When I pounded the nails through the bottom of the can, it went through and pierced my leg, and I had to go to the hospital and get 4 stitches and a blood transfusion and some tetanus shots. I also have permanent blue paint under my skin like a tattoo because I painted the cans while I was waiting for the ambulance. It tinted my blood blue a bit. But it’s okay, because all the blue blood and nonstop bleeding convinced a passing delegate from Lichtenstein that I was royalty, and now I have a duchy there, where they have an herb garden! So thanks for this awesome project suggestion. It really worked!

pouringmyartoutsaid 1 day ago:

Oh, Lord, give me strength… I just like the way you can go from a cutting, biting, in-your-face word assassin one minute, but you like pictures of fluffy clouds and pretty flowers and obscure Japanese poetic songs. Or maybe the way you can put words together that can make me laugh while it feels like my heart is imploding at the same time. Call it a man-crush. Call it whatever you want.

The Hobblersays: OMG! You died! That is crazy…I was just talking to you. Well, you just never know when crackheads are going to overdose and kill themselves I guess. I will miss you. I remember the countless night spent wishing you would post another stupid Japanese song. The heartbreaking irony of watching you pour your heart out while trying to hold back laughter at my awesome April Fool’s Day prank. You have touched many hearts, and would have probably touched even more if your hands weren’t busy elsewhere. On your keyboard…geez. I will miss you, dear LA. You have made my life a little less boring.

Love, Hobbler


Edward Hotspur was a self-proclaimed witticist, king of sarcasm and don of all-things wordy. His blog inspired delays in cognitive development among the young with posts like A Serious Analysis and Discussion of the Versatility of the Put Down ‘So’s Your Face’ and spurred on controversial topics like I Love Caulk and Worst Poem Ever Despite Having Sex, Porn and Money in the First Line. The aforementioned post regarding So’s Your Face, encompassed the simplicity of the common put-down and analyzed it’s affects on the human condition while simultaneously drawing the reader into the idea that “‘So’s your face’ has the same anger and forcefulness of a ‘fuck you’, but has a subtle and mischievous aspect that I like. It’s more smartass, and less dick, if you will”.

Many of his faithful followers are devastated by this loss and have already begun to organize tributes to his Granite Countertop series and the ever-popular Starship Innerthighs sagas. Both titles are mesmerizing accounts of super-fluent language and over-the-top linguistic fucking around. Scenes of a Morning Drive books are for sale. Buy one and support the Foundation of Edward Hotspur’s Devoted Few who require funds to support their ongoing drug habit that kicked into high gear upon hearing about his untimely death by self-chimney repair. Please ignore their incessant wandering and exclaiming “Hotsie! We miss you Hotsie! Where’s our Scenes?! Gimme back ma True Stories, yo! Fo’ rizzle”

RIP Edward Centurian Guiardian Hotpsurian Thespian Homosapien Extrodinaire



I will miss… (wait, what was his name again?)… Ed, yeah, Ed. I mean, I really didn’t get everything he said… he sort of tried too hard, if you know what I mean… and man, that guy could be a prick when he wanted to be, but I saw moments of brilliance every so often. I liked his pictures of clouds. I think he touched all of us in some way… not always an appropriate way, but he struck a chord that wasn’t in any music book I have ever seen. He did tend to go on and on about his life, which, now that it is over, I think we can all admit wasn’t that exciting, but he did open up to us, like a flasher, even if we didn’t really ask him to…. or even when we asked him to please stop, for god’s sake.
I considered Ebner to be a… (what? oh, sorry)… Edward, a friend. Our relationship blossomed, partly because we both tend to talk too much, and also because he lived far away from me, so it seemed safe enough. We used to sit for hours on those green couches in his foyer, just talking… well,I would talk, Ed just kept asking me to lay down and tell him my darkest fears and deepest fantasies, but whatever. (He did that in a weird Dick Cheney voice that sounded like Jon Stewart’s impersonation of Dick Cheney, like the Penguin from the old Batman show, but where he could have gotten the idea of Dick Cheney as a psychiatrist, I will never know)…
I will admit one thing. I admired his ability to make us think, without having to do it himself. That is a rare skill. And he could do mushy, sappy, over the top poetry… (of course a lot of it he just copied from weird Japanese folk bands)… I even based a recent post on his strangely moving writings, and I think it really pissed him off that I got better reviews from all of you than he usually did… he could be quite bitter…
What I like… liked… best about Mr. Hotpants… (huh? oh, my mistake)… Hotspurt… was that he would type bizarre little comments back and forth with me, playing word games, being silly, and that reminded me of my friend John, who died of brain cancer a few years back. Well, Hotspunk was no John… (except in that one morals charge case, but that was just ‘john’)… but he was the closest to John I could find… (Ironically, Hotspark told me that he always tried to stay close to a john, but I am not sure if he meant the bathroom kind, or the morals charge kind)…
I am sorry that that bull killed Mr. Hotsperm… I told him he was too old for professional bull riding, and that the bulls really preferred if the riders started their rides on top of their backs, and not slung underneath, but he never listened to me)…
Good luck, Mr. Hotflash, wherever you are down there.
I was taught not to speak ill of the dead. And my mom always said, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all… so bye.

El Guaposays:

I was surprised to learn of the sudden, unexpected passing of our dear dear friend.
As I look back on my memories, I remember the smiling figure in the leotard, so bouncy and perky. The grin that captivated us all, and warmed a nations heart.
Later on, in the scramble for relevancy, there were all those Wheaties boxes graced with the face of a handsome, dare I say beautiful wom-
Who the fuck is Hotspur?
This isn’t the Mary Lou Retton funeral?
She’s still alive?!?

A writers strange life.says:

Ed, he was a human. He was nice, he was odd, he was a bit of a nut. He is gone now, ITS ABOUT TIME! SURE TOOK HIM LONG ENOUGH! He will (not) be missed.


Edward Hotspur–While everyone else was sitting around and jerking off, Edward was jerking off and writing a blog.

El Guaposays:

Edward Hotspur had a facility with words that very few have, and even fewer have consistently.
Whether it was poetry, lyrics, a rant, or the ever popular Scenes From A Morning Drive (available in book form at the top of the blogroll), he spun sentences, asides, tangents and insults into a tangled delightful web.
You may not have always liked what he said all the time, but you always knew it would be an interesting read.
Hotspur was the first to jump into online mayhem, and the last to stop defending a friend. The blogosphere was his amusement park, and he savored all the rides.
Whether on his posts or one of the blogs we both followed, his comments were always something to look forward to – whether questioning, mocking, joking or supporting, Hotspur was there.
Now he’s gone.
His blog is still here, so that’s something.
And instead of being dead, I prefer to think he’s out there, somewhere, a Musketeer riding bareback on a rainbow-pissing -unicorn, with Selma Hayek, his (naked) Lady Godiva beside him.
Can’t wait to read that post.
Godspeed Ed.

John Phillipssays:

Edward will be missed. Donations accepted in lieu of flowers at the paypal button on my blog.

GingerSnaap on May 7, 2012 at 4:44 PMsaid:

2 people I dig alot were FP’d an I think they deserved it because their posts were very poignant and fun to read. But I honestly have only read afew other FP posts and I wasn’t impressed.

I will also say this one nice thing about the ‘other evil one’ who penned those questions above- he has more talent and charm than a year’s worth of Freshly Pressed ( except for Lizzie & Guap, of course) recipients and I think he already knows that. I am certain his time in the limelight (or whatever color the light will be) will come and, when it does, I will be able to say “I abused him way back when”.

Jesus, I don’t know what just came over me- I just gave him a compliment. I must be getting ill, or dying, or something else I don’t know about.

Help Me Please.


Who the fu*k wrote those questions? Sounds like a six year old girl want to get you in trouble with her friends.

GingerSnaapsaid:I think you are being a little bit of an ass right now, silly person.Go Away.


I worship the ground you pee on, but I am one sick individual…
Being one of your top commenters is the thing I am most proud of doing at a keyboard ever, which may be offset by what I just did on my mom’s keyboard when I saw that picture of the girls kissing… sorry, mom…

H.E. ELLISsaid:

I met Aladdin Sarsippius Sulemenagic Jackson III and all I got was an Infectious Groove. It required…Therapy!!!!


You are just plain weird. No, I revise that statement. You are hugely, entertainingly, bizarrely, surreally, enigmatically, enthusiastically, unbridledly, fantastically, unabridgedly, ginalollabrigettly wierd. I mean weird… Thanks.


Hotspur, Pouringmyartout thinks I should write the same comment posted above but that it would mean more to you if I posted it as a direct comment to you rather then subsumed under laughter at his comment.

Hotspur, you da man. Crazy as fuck, but so damn creative and funny.


Gawd! I feel like I am drunk when I do this.


Thank you Edward. I had a most wonderful visit. ♥


We don’t know what comes next. That is the undefined beauty that is you!

Edward Hotspur:

Intimacy is the spice. You can’t just have the spice all the time – there’s no sustenance in it. Only flavor. It has to go along with something else.

Edward Hotspur says:
July 17, 2012 at 3:08 am

Allow me to explain:
Someone likes your posts. Why are you complaining or objecting in any way?
I hope that clears things up.

P.S. You ripped off my picture as your header. I’d appreciate it if you would cease and desist paying attention to this PS because it’s not really my picture. But, I had you going for a second.

aquagirl101 says:
im complaining because in several of them i’m very self degrading and depressed.
and no you didn’t have me going i’m very confident that its my picture as i took it myself

aquagirl101 says:
also i’m fairly certain she doesnt’ read them seeing how she likes them immediately after they are posted

Edward Hotspur says:
She’s an hour ahead of you! Come on, do the math.

aquagirl101 says:
how the fuck does that make any sense?

Edward Hotspur says:
Duh – she’s an hour ahead of you, so she had a full hour to read your post – but when she ‘likes’ it, to you it looks like she does it immediately. It’s basic geography! Come on. American school systems, I tell you.

hastywordsJuly 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm · Edit · Reply

Nevertheless we come full circle. I came looking for you because I miss you!

GingerSnaap said 20 minutes ago:

My measurements, from top to bottom (literally)= Small/Smaller/Large.

My IQ is not impressive, just average.

My fingers are anything but ordinary, silly.

I wish more people cherished me ;o) (Note: We do cherish her, and her self-impression is an understatement.)

bipolarmuse said 2 days ago:

Thank you for your beautiful words…sometimes it is hard to remember those things. Healing is taking place, which is important. ♥

 Edward Hotspur said 17 hours ago: Hot Pecker Potts! Girthy McSchlong! Globey Twinbottom! Pinky Buttonnibbler! Jack Meatspray!

pouringmyartout said 21 hours ago:

If only you had posted Barney singing this song. Then my life would be complete… because I would kill myself.

lifeinthefarcelane said 2 days ago:

Now you’re stuck with me tho, ya realise?? ;)

Edward Hotspur

You’re a hypocrite! You suck! Die die die! What about that thing you did before? Huh? What about that? I hate melons! Jon Stewart seems nice! Pickles aren’t that great by themselves! Why aren’t you posting pictures of other fogs, or other types of precipitation, or other cities, huh? You’re like a pop calling the teakettle on a cell phone! Huh? I didn’t ask you a question before, but why are you avoiding the answer?Figures. I’ll take your silence as an apology. You know what you did. Cretin!

….aaaaaaaaand now you know how I feel.

“The shaft entered her as she gasped… her opposite was so strong! She didn’t expect it to penetrate so deeply. She held it and stroked it, feeling for the tip, and then pulled it out.

And then she just up and died.”

– excerpt from 50 Shades of Getting Killed with an Arrow (Hotspur)

Edward Hotspur says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

I’d say take your in-laws, some alcohol, certain videos, a babysitter, a mule, 14 doughnuts, a ruler, the cheerleaders from a college an hour away, a reporter for the New York Times, 3 leading GOP members, a duck and the cast of Rent, and slowly add more alcohol.

Oh, it’s a recipe for disaster. Serves 12.

Edward Hotspur August 9, 2012 at 10:03 pm · · ReplyYour comment is awaiting moderation.

I have often thought to myself “I bet my keys are in the pocket of the shorts I had on last night.” And most of the time, they are. But other times, they are sitting nearby, which makes them quite easy to find, until the Easter Ferret comes to vacuum the afterglow.

Edward Hotspur says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

I too was a Francophile – but they should NOT let him host the Oscars anymore.

 Edward Hotspur on August 10, 2012 at 4:29 PM said: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

What a coincidence! I was also not born in Sweden! We have so much in common. It’s like we’re soulmates or something. We were destined to be together… most likely on an airplane, you in first class, and me back near the aft restroom where some idiot just ate Mexican food and created a weapon of ass destruction that surely rained down on some poor family’s house in one of the flyover states.

H.E. ELLISAug 19, 9:16 pm

Spam in Panties. Sounds like a classic Hotspur post.

 Madame Weebles September 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm · Edit·

Okay, you win. I admit it. I’ve got the screaming thigh sweats for you, Hotspur. Totally. I’ve already built a shrine to you—my husband resents it but I don’t care. It’s All Hotspur, All the Time. I’m already designing my next tattoo, of a cowboy spur surrounded by flames.

Le ClownSeptember 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm · Edit·

I would buy my own book with a bio like this one. You have some sort of talent after all, beside making a blog ugly.
Le Clown

pouringmyartout September 16, 2012 at 12:45 am · Edit · Reply

I am hurt to not be included in this epic ass-whoopin’…

I don’t know.

Le ClownSeptember 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm · Edit·

Beautiful like anything portrayed on The Macabre and the Beautifully Grotesque – without the beautiful part.
Le Clown

Edward Hotspur September 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm · Edit · Reply

Your jealousy is so transparent.

Madame Weebles September 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm · Edit·

It’s “Clear,” actually.

Right – it IS clear that your jealousy is transparent! How noble of you to concede this so soon in the duel.

Rutabaga the Mercenary ResearcherOctober 4, 2012 at 10:20 am · Edit·

leave my husband and my kid out of this debacle.

Edward Hotspur October 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm · Edit·

I can read you like a book. A cookbook full of recipes I haven’t tried yet. That sounded dirty, so I’ll distract you by saying you haven’t guessed how old am I yet.

Rutabaga the Mercenary ResearcherOctober 2, 2012 at 10:03 pm · Edit · Reply

so you’re wasting my time? What kind of blogger are you?

I was listening to this song when I read your comment AT THE SAME TIME it played in the song! What a coincidence.

Wow. I love this. It is beautifully sad and I wanted more.

LOL I started the blog because Twitter was too short. And I get the changing the post thing up. Your blog has personality…I love it.

All your tweets are like Gold Bond and medicated, and stuff!

Edward Hotspursays:

The cannon is also facing the wrong way round. I hesitate to say the woman is. She looks like she knows her way around heavy balls. And speaking of balls… that explains the fascination with men with shaved heads.

This comment belongs in a museum. You managed to solve the most difficult math problem of all-time, women.

If this comment was actually put in a museum, in no time at all some woman would be straddling it.

Nicole @ Words and Other Things: He made my brain hurt in the best way ever.

Nicole @ Words and Other Things: @Hotspur I’m laughing so hard I think I might pee. Can my Romantic Monday post be about how much I love you?

*********************************Several Months Pass************************

Wow Hotspur! That is a really nice thing to say. I’m quite literally speechless… really.. thank you. I can’t believe that I’ve made an impression like that.. you are a very special & important friend, you became this very quickly in my life! I’m grateful to have you on Tryst & in my soul. ~ Jen

Edward Hotspur

This was one of the nicest things anyone has ever written for me in the entire history of the universe. Thank you, PMAO. You’re so sexy.

I have learned that so far at least one person who read the post and didn’t know you has visited and liked your blog. And I was reminded that at least one other person found your blog long ago from reading other posts I have done about you in the past. I feel so valuable… and loved.
Oh… and that last part… I heard it in your voice with the fake English accent… it was either that or Morgan Freeman’s voice… I could have imagined it either way. I hope that doesn’t creep you out too much.

Morgan Freeman with an English accent?


I was never that limber.

Wait… that above comment was supposed to go somewhere else… sorry.

BrainRants says:

March 10, 2012 at 9:41 pm Edit

Oh like I’ve not been here before. And roger, daylight savings time. You’re a genius, Hotspur.

31 comments on “Quotes

  1. Pingback: Books and Quotes « Edward Hotspur

  2. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    January 28, 2012



  3. bestbathroombooks
    January 30, 2012

    Another good idea by E.H.


  4. Pingback: Page not found « Edward Hotspur

  5. Pingback: Meta: Hotspur – Awesome Or Insane? « Edward Hotspur

  6. The Hobbler
    March 13, 2012

    You’re so cute LA. Just to let you know, the parental control on the kids computer has blocked some of your content. I thought that would make you happy.😉


  7. The Hobbler
    March 13, 2012

    I used you this morning…hope you don’t mind.


  8. The Hobbler
    March 13, 2012

    you sure?


  9. GingerSnaap
    June 26, 2012

    You cannot prove that I said any of those things up there, silly person.


  10. Edward Hotspur
    September 17, 2012

    Wow, how will this


    • GingerSnaap
      September 17, 2012

      What? How will this…what?
      Finish your thought, man!


      • Edward Hotspur
        September 17, 2012

        Had to “break in” my blog at work today. Couldn’t log in, so made a comment, signed in, worked. Also, hi!


  11. Pingback: Edward Hotspur and The Empire Of Bacon | OhMyGawd, Just Do What I Say!

  12. Kellie Elmore
    February 2, 2013

    in LOVE with your quotes page ♥ Yours is definitely more awesomererer than mine.😉


  13. Sean Smithson
    March 18, 2014

    A very clever idea sir.


Say Something I'm Giving Up On You

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog.

Join 3,439 other followers

I Voted


Lyrical Anarchy


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,439 other followers

%d bloggers like this: