Posted byEdward Hotspur
Posted onMarch 11, 2014
We all have jobs, tasks, and chores that we dislike doing. Tell us all about the least favorite job/task/chore that you get stuck doing routinely. What is it about this duty that you can’t stand?
I have a lot of chores that I dislike – flushing the toilet, bathing, changing clothes – but the biggest chore that I always seem to get stuck with is digging shallow graves. I don’t know why, but this always seems to fall on me. All these dead bodies start to decompose pretty quickly, and you can’t freeze everything! So bam, there I am again out in some field somewhere with a corpse wrapped in a shower curtain, or sometimes one of those vinyl tablecloths, trying to drive a spade into the cold, hard earth.
It’s not so bad in the summer, especially after rain or a water main break, when the soil in my neighbors’ yards is much easier to get through at night. When there’s a full moon, it’s much easier to see to lay the sod down in such a way as to barely leave any trace of digging whatsoever. It’s an exact science, even though it’s an art at the same time, but I never quite got the hang of it, and I hate it.
People Who Are Getting Away With It
I have such a great time when I drive. Like today, for example: I drove somewhere. It was a great day to drive, a day with streets and gas in the tank, both metaphorically and literally. You can run out of gas metaphorically and still go, as evidenced by this post, and indeed, this blog. So let that be a lesson to you, if you’re in Saturday school, which you might be if you were bad in class, or if you’re an adult who’s trying to score with people more on your mentality level.
That reminds me: I drove somewhere. It was the library. You know how when you want to read someone new, but you don’t know who, and you ask people for recommendations just so you know who definitely not to read because everyone you know is an idiot? If not, that’s okay. It’s not necessary to understand this paragraph or this post. There isn’t going to be a quiz. Unless someone made one up on one of those quiz sites.
Damn, those quiz sites are getting desperate. I wish I had some beer right now. Beer is better than the other boozes. I can better control the pacing, the plot and the action when I drink beer. I can edit better, and make one scene flow into another. It sounds like I’m talking about a movie, but nope, I’m talking about beer – unless it’s a movie about beer.
Instead, I have coffee. I had coffee for breakfast, coffee for lunch, and a sensible dinner, like a large deluxe meat lover’s pizza. It’s sensible because it has crap from all four basic food groups based on the food pyramid invented by the Egyptians in 4000 B.C.
Speaking of Egyptians, if I were to be one of the Avengers I’d be Iron Man. Being one of those Norse gods would make me Thor. I went quite a way for a stupid lisp-based joke, but I don’t care, because you guys usually go make a sandwich during the commercials anyway.
Speaking of commercials, we watch the weekend morning show that has Erica Hill on it, and I mean me and one other person, not the royal ‘we’ that is normally implied when I use the word we. Anyway, she was wearing a dress that looked like a longer version of Freddy Krueger’s sweater. No, that’s Chad Kroeger, you sick fuck! I’m not talking about snuff rock, I’m just talking about horror. Anyway, so her dress was from the 1970s, and her jewelry was from the 1870s. It was all clashy and not-give-a-fucky, and I don’t blame her one bit. Even bitches on television have a laundry day. Erica Hill is cute. I don’t know if that’s her name. There’s some guy, and some other chick who changes clothes a lot, and some chick who stands outside a lot for no apparent reason. I think she’s being punished.
Speaking of horrible singers, I’m going to put up a picture of Chad with long hair, and Sam Rockwell in Hitchhiker’s Guide To Galaxy:
Now the secret is out. What do you get if you take the end of Hey Jude, the end of Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’, part of Kiss Them Goodbye, the middle of Ceiling Can’t Hold Us, and part of Get A Job, and give them to the Amalgamated Transit Union?
‘Na’s for ATU.
Thank you very, very much. Now, go drink some booze and reread this post. I assure you, you will enjoy it much more then.