Tag Archives for Random

Mildly Dirty Joke Of The Day Of The Week!

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick looking, well-dressed, just past middle-age gentleman.

“Can I help you?” the madam asked.

“I want to see Natalie,” the old man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else…”

“No, I must see Natalie”.

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charges $10,000.00 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $1000 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that is was very rare for anyone to come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts… it was still $10,000.00 a visit.  Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up a third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went.

At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the man: “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row, especially not around here.”

The old man replied, “I’m not from around here. I’m from Philadelphia”.

“Really?” replied Natalie. “I have family who lives there.”

“Yes, I know,” said the old man. “Your grandfather died and I’m your sister’s attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000.00 inheritance.”

Edward Hotspur

Cynically Boosting Traffic The Shameless Porn Sex Lottery Lesbian Nigerian Bieber PSY Way

I got the idea for this particular post from Abominations.

For real shameless traffic boosts, you’ve got to mention porn, sex, lesbians, cougars, MILFs, celebrities, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Super Bowl, Obama, lottery, Nigerian prince, spam, scam, Kardashian, Michael Jackson, Kiss, the Beatles, Harry Potter, Edward Cullen, Twilight, Bella, Salma Hayek, Mad Men, The Office, Chocolate Rain, shopping, jewelry, presents, toys, I know, right?, nudist, nudity, Lena from Infected Rain, poop, pee, David Blaine, iPhone, iPad, iTunes, Amazon, WalMart, unicorn pissing rainbow, kitchen sex, cherry blossom, tattoo, vajazzle, bacon and Christmas. PSY! Iron Man!

And then have someone else make a post with the same terms that links back to your post. What terms, you ask? Porn, sex, lesbians, cougars, MILFs, celebrities, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Super Bowl, Obama, lottery, Nigerian prince, spam, scam, Kardashian, Michael Jackson, Kiss, the Beatles, Harry Potter, Edward Cullen, Twilight, Bella, Salma Hayek, Mad Men, The Office, Chocolate Rain, shopping, jewelry, presents, toys, I know, right?, nudist, nudity, Lena from Infected Rain, poop, pee, David Blaine, iPhone, iPad, iTunes, Amazon, WalMart, unicorn pissing rainbow, kitchen sex, cherry blossom, tattoo, vajazzle, bacon and Christmas. Not necessarily in that order. Dumbledore!

Edward Hotspur

Oh, and put a picture of Lena from Infected Rain in your post.

The Other Half – A Daily Prompt Post

The opposite gender – what would that be like? If I lived as the opposite gender for a day, which would be *checks in pants* a woman, I could finally have an excuse to go into Charming Charlie all the time without fear of Judgy McJudgerson looking at me funny, and, you know, judging me. I actually do love that store. It’s because of all the colors and textures, and how it’s like a library organized by color, only with handbags instead of books.

Charming Charlie

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like?

Hey, good question, Daily Prompt. I was just talking about that.  I have to say, after having lived with two different types of women for the past 17 years, that being a guy allows you to completely not give a crap about fashion, and it’s really easy to coordinate either jeans or khakis with a dress shirt, polo, zip sweater, t-shirt, etc. And at work, it’s really easy to wear a shirt and tie. That’s pretty much the only option. But as a woman, right away you’re faced with a choice: Should I dress like a slut, or a good girl?

Actually, there’s another choice, which is: pants or a skirt/dress? And once you’ve made that choice, you still have to decide what else to wear, depending on what image you’re trying to project, knowing all the time that the man in his shirt and tie will nearly always be taken more seriously than you, even if you’re his boss. I’ve had nearly all female bosses for the last 7 years, and it’s really embarrassing for both me and my boss when some random person comes up and asks me a question that they should be asking my boss, solely based on the fact that I’m a man with a tie. Don’t get me wrong – it’s hilarious, cool and sweet, but still a little embarrassing.

You probably thought I’d come on here and say that as a woman for a day, I’d act all slutty, get guys to fall all over themselves at work doing things for me, and go sleep with someone. That is simply not true. How would I be allowed into work? I wouldn’t have an ID, and people would wonder what this strange woman was doing at Hotspur’s desk going through all his stuff. Nope, I’d be taking the day off, and going shopping for that evening. I’d still go out with my wife, but we’d be two women. I don’t know if she’d actually do that. Hang on.

*talk with my wife for a bit*

Okay, I asked her if I woke up one morning as a woman – a real woman, not simply a cross-dresser – with a) a guarantee that I would only be so for 24 hours and b) no question in her mind that I was still Hotspur, would she, you know, still ‘get with’ me. She said no. I said ‘what about shopping?’ She said yes. I said that I would still hate shopping, except for Charming Charlie. She said she’d get me some nice high heels.

I said ‘what’s the point of making me look hot if you’re not going to sleep with me?’

Edward Hotspur

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Funny (But Hopefully Untrue) Joke (With Video)

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Two psychiatrists were drinking their morning coffee and discussing the Freudian slip.The first psychiatrist explained how he made a Freudian slip at the coffee shop on the way to work. “The girl behind the counter had noticeable piercings, and instead of saying ‘do you have a little whipped cream’, I accidentally said ‘do you have a little nipple ring?’” The second psychiatrist laughed. “That’s nothing compared to what happened to me this morning with my girlfriend. Instead of saying ‘can you please pass me the sugar?’, I accidentally said ‘you’re a total golddigger and I want you to get the fuck out, you whore.’”

Edward Hotspur

If you don’t think that’s funny, then watch this.
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Asshole Junction

Hi. I had a really fun day this morning. I know the morning only lasts for a couple of hours, but it felt like a really, really fun fucking day all the entire whole time.  A really, really sarcastic fun day. I can’t tell you why I thought that. Actually, I can, but I’m not going to.

Suffice it to say I went to work late today. Actually, suffice it to say that I went to work! Fuck! That’s sufficient to suffice, right? If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away, get in my car, drive to the store, and get lots and lots of alcohol. And then drink it to keep warm, because you just unraveled my sweater, you asshole! How could you do that? Because I told you to? If I told you to jump off a bridge mix, would you do it, except for the peanuts? You would? Oh. Well… To be honest, I wasn’t prepared for you to say that.  I’ll think of something.

While you’re waiting, would you like a drink? There’s an open bar over there. It’s a bar of silver. You like silver, right? Silver: The Color Of Disco Balls!

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I mean, my god, have any of you seen so many silver balls in one place (aside from the people in my blogroll…)? Have you? I have. They’re right there. Can’t you see them? What’s that in the red? Did someone wear red pants? Wow, that’s a fashion Foe Paw, like an angry bear who hates your stupid outfit.

I’m sorry about this post. It makes no sense. But at the end of the day, it’s around 11:59, right? And that means Bloody Marys! Amirite? Nope. Just ran out. I can’t believe I have no more tomato juice. I’m such a health nut. I only get drunk on fruits, vegetables and multigrains!

Oh, right. The title of this post. Um, I made one of those album things, but I broke all the rules! Hooray for me, because it’s probably a punk album anyway.

Asshole Junction

You think I forgot to put some philosophy in this, but you’re wrong. Silver balls… silver balls… it’s Christmas time in the city. It’s the holiday spirit! Never let that go! Especially the spirit part!

Edward Hotspur

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