Edward Hotspur

The Official WordPress Blog Of Edward Hotspur – whoever that is.

Super Cliche Adventures !

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A big little guy named Rock is rescuing some bimbo named Candy from the evil clutches of Dr. Vampireface. Again. And he got caught in a net trap. Again.

“What’s going on here? Dr. Vampireface!”
“Fancy meeting you here.You have fallen into my evil trap.”
“Let her go, Vampireface.”
“Never! You can’t do anything to stop me.”
“You’ll never get away with this!”
“My plan is working!”
“Is that the best you can do? Is that all you’ve got?”
“What part of “my plan is working” don’t you understand? I will do blah blah blah, and then the thing will go over there, and other stuff, and then the creatures will come, and the gas, and exploding timers, and some stuff…The girl will die first so you can watch, of course…. Well, that’s my evil plan in a nutshell. Gotta go.”
“Rock! You have to go on without me!”
“I’m not leaving you!”
“You two just ‘hang around’ – I want to introduce you to some friends of mine. I shall return.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *breathe* OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
“Rock… it’s so quiet… a little TOO quiet. At least it is now that you’ve stopped screaming.”
“Candy, I’ve got a bad feeling about this… Get down! We’ve got company! Fasten your seatbelt! Get behind me. I’ll hold them off while you go for help.”
“It’s not working! Time for plan B.”
“It would be easier if we split up. They can’t get both of us!”
“How do you kill something that’s already dead?”
“This isn’t a game, Candy! Get a hold of yourself! Snap out of it!”
“You go ahead, Rock! Leave me here. Save yourself!”
“Don’t die on me. Don’t you die on me!”
“Wait! Listen. Do you hear that?”
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Did I just say that out loud? I have a bad feeling about this.”
“So, where were we?”
“What part of ‘we’ve got company’ don’t you understand?”
“Incoming! Lock and load.”
“GAH! My spleen!”
“Candy, talk to me!”
“I’m okay!”
“Thank God! I don’t know what I would do if I lost you!”
“Hey, what’s that flashing light thingy? It’s a bomb!”
“I can disarm it if I can just cut the wire! Oh… I can’t reach it! You’re gonna have to do it.”
“Okay, I’ve got the case off. Which wire do I cut?”
“Cut the red wire.”
“Are you sure? The red wire?”
“Yes! Cut it! No.. wait, I mean the green wire.”
“The green wire! You just said-“
“I mean it! Cut the green wire! Now! Before you blow us all to kingdom come!”
Bomb timer: 5…..4…..3……2….. *snip*
“Whew. That was a close one, Rock!”
“Cut it out, Candy! I’ve always wanted to say that. This is no time for small talk! We’ve got to get out of here before the whole place blows!”
“But I just cut the-“
“Now! Move!”
“Hold still. This won’t hurt a bit.” *cuts Rock free*
“Okay, lead the way.”
“Follow me! We’re almost there now!”
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Dr. Vampireface!”
“You didn’t think you could escape, did you?”
“You’re going down, Vampireface!”
“No, you’re going down!” *pushes button*
“Aaaaaahhhhh!”
“Candy! Take my hand! I’m not letting you go!”
“She’s gone, Rock! And you’re going with her!”
“Gotcha!” *swings Candy to safety*
“Rock! Behind you!”
“Missed me, Vampireface! Take that!”
“Rock! Catch!”
“Not bad, Rock. But you’re no match for my ERRGH-“
“You got him, Rock! We’re saved!”
“Not yet. Remember? Because the whole… you know….”
“Oh, right.” *pulls out sudoku*
“I’m not dead yet!”
“Look out!”
*stabs Vampireface again*
“Now?”
“Nope, not yet.”
*Vampireface rises*
“You know, Vampireface, my favorite Pink Floyd album was The Final Cut!” *slices Vampireface in half*
“Now?”
“Yes. It’s been three times, and I said a catchphrase. We’re good.”
“Oh, Rock. I could get used to this.”
“I’ve got a feeling we are gonna get along just fine, Candy.”
*they kiss*

The End!

Edward Hotspur

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12 comments on “Super Cliche Adventures !

  1. pouringmyartout
    February 14, 2014

    Even your clichés are not quite like anybody else’s

  2. List of X
    February 16, 2014

    Great post! (I thought a cliche comment would be very appropriate here)

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This entry was posted on February 14, 2014 by in Humor, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .

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