I was going to write a post, but I’m so stupid and ignorant, I can barely string two words together with a hyphen and some Super Glue.
See? I said ‘string’ two words together, and then didn’t include string in the list of materials I would use to string two words together. That’s how not smart I am. I be stupid. I was going to post anyway, but I caught a reflection of myself in the toilet bowl water I was drinking from, and it turns out I am also very ugly. Like, ugly ugly, not Ugly Duckling ugly, where I am ugly for a duckling, but very beautiful for a swan. I would be ugly for a duckling AND a swan, though I would make a normal aardvark or meerkat. An ugly meerkat. Definitely not a mirrorkat, if you get what I’m saying.
Frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t, because I do the typing equivalent of mumbling, and even when I speak up, it sounds like I am speaking a foreign language, one not from Earth, or one that was around when language was first being developed. You could probably have a better conversation with a parrot, because a parrot would at least repeat what you said, which is probably the smart things of talking about ness. Plus, it would be pretty to look at, unlike myself.
I also dress funny. I admit, I used to wear clothes that did not suck at one point, but that was when my mother or the coffee shop lady used to dress me. I took over those duties myself at some point, and that was the point when Pauly Shore looked at me and said ‘dude, what the hell are you wearing, buuuuuuuuuuu-dyyy?’He looked down on me, not because I’m both dumber and uglier than him, but because I’m also shorter than him.
If you are reading this still, you are a saint. Or if you’re a female, you’re whatever a female saint is called. A saintress? Saintette? Anyway, you’re that thing I said previously, because only that type of thing I described could have the intestinal fortitude (uterine fortitude if you’re a female) to go this far.
So just stop reading now. And for gosh golly sakes, don’t look at me. You don’t have to prove anything – you’re already going further than most people do, and with a lot less coffee and donuts.