I just leaned over a certain way and felt a sharp stabbing pain in my right thigh. It really, really hurt. I investigated the source of the pain, feeling around for what it could have been, and the answer was not at all shocking. It turns out, I had cargo pants on, and in the side pocket was one of those little pencils you get at IKEA. Since I hadn’t been to IKEA for quite some time, this pencil had been washed. As had the pants, I think I should mention. I mean, I can’t just go around smelling IKEA all the time. It’s cruel! It’s just like burning a cinnamon roll- or sugar cookie-scented candle. People come running and ask if there’s any IKEA, and I have to disappoint them by saying there is, but no new IKEA. And they ask me if I said ‘Nokia’, and I have to say that I did not.
We rearranged our furniture in a way that had never been done before in all of recorded history. This was made possible by the Roku device. No longer being tied to the cable outlet frees you up to move your television all over the house, anywhere you want, and so you try different things. We finally settled on the way it is in the living room right now. See, at first it looked like this:
And now, with just a few simple rearrangements, it looks like this:
Not bad, huh? Also, Rear Range Mints would make a great after-dinner breath freshener if you lived in Wyoming or wanted to make a Brokeback Mountain joke. Though I think the Wyoming Dynasty has been over for 370 years, so hardly anyone would get the joke, since it would be told in Cheyenndarin.
Fun fact: The Wyoming Dynasty invented gunpowder, but it was completely forgotten when Cheyenndarin was replaced by a completely different Cheyenndarin after only a few years. This new Cheyanndarin was in color only, which is where we get fireworks.
Well, Go do something fun. With a capital G. And a capital W. And lowercase ellodo something.
These guys already having been doing this! Who? I don’t know. Owl rhymes with towel, but only one will get you dry.
Dammit, now I want a sugar cookie and/or a cinnamon roll.