Fair Warning: I have read/am reading a couple of books by Penn Jillette, and have been following Ricky Gervais on Twitter, and I’m all pumped to do battle with religious nutjobs like Westboro.
Tornadoes, hurricanes, disasters, tragedies – why do people thank god when their loved ones survive? Why do people thank god when they win an award, score a goal, catch a long pass? It’s ridiculous. Because if you are intended to catch a pass, or score a goal, or win an award, or, you know, live, doesn’t that mean that someone else – LOTS of someone elses – are intended to fail to stop your catch, or fail to stop your goal, or fail to win an award, or, you know, DIE?
And if god has the power to save certain loved ones, why can’t god save everyone? Or, you know, prevent disasters in the first place? And praying for them is worse – like asking a murderer to please help save one of the people he nearly murdered. Nice, huh? Wolf Blitzer of CNN asked a victim holding her daughter “You’re blessed… do you thank the Lord?” The woman said “I’m an atheist.” Awkward silence. This was pretty douchey on Blitzer’s part – asking a victim how they feel is stupid, but permissible. Poisoning the well? Ridiculous on so many levels.
Is there anything worse than that? Of course! TWO things, actually. Which one to start with? Well, damn, which one… Okay, I’ll just pick one. Alex Jones – yes, the paranoid gun activist guy from Piers Morgan – has actually false flagged a fucking TORNADO! Jones actually claims that the government sent the tornado, and that it has weather weapons! Trutherism at its finest. How much is he helping the victims? Not much. What a dick. But not the dickiest move surrounding the tornado! Not at all.
The biggest douchebag cuntsuck group in the land, Westboro Baptist Church – wait a minute, now, there are lots of huge cuntsuck groups. They’re just the most famous right now. Sorry about that. Anyway, WBC has actually BEATEN Pat Robertson to the claim that the OKC tornado was divine retribution for the state’s support of openly gay Thunder player Jason Collins! Can you fucking believe these people! And they’re from fucking Kansas! That’s Tornado Alley, homes! Oz never did give nothing to the tinfoil hat wearing psychos of Westboro Baptist Church that they didn’t, didn’t already hate. That’s America! You think god hates America because of gays? No! God hates America because of that song Horse With No Name! He’s already taken out Dan Peek.
On top of that, why don’t religious people have fun at funerals? If they truly believe in an afterlife, they should be happy that their loved ones finally get to go to heaven, right? How does it make sense to give thanks for making you stay here longer? So the people who had deaths in their families should be thanking “the Lord”. Some deity, though, huh? Kills a dozen kids just because a basketball player is gay and no one fired him? And those kids live in Moore, while the team is in Oklahoma City, and Collins is from somewhere completely different, and the entire NBA seems cool with it, but no tornadoes in Minnesota or Seattle or some shit.
But wait – is WBC sure it isn’t because someone in Oklahoma City ate shellfish? That’s “banned” too, along with bowl haircuts (Beatles: Bigger than Jesus, but going to hell), wearing clothes made of blended fabrics (so the boyfriend in that Marin Cadell song is safe), tattoos (Irony: Jesus tat), football (yes, football; you can’t eat pork OR touch it! Want a fast track to hell? Eat bacon and then go toss the ball around.), and fortune telling. So if you have Triple Delight at a Chinese buffet in your Old Navy t-shirt that barely covers your angel wings tat, you, sir, are taking the shinkansen directly to hell! Grab some Tsingtao!
I don’t mean to make light of the deaths that resulted from the tornado in Moore. They are tragic, mostly because everyone did exactly what they were supposed to and people still were injured or killed. What I am doing is ranting against all the insane whack jobs out there who use every fucking tragedy to push their hateful, demented agendas (and increase stock prices in the foil industry). Westboro Baptist Church are a bunch of dicks, to be sure. I am not sure I like Anonymous going around and doing whatever they want with impunity, but I am absolutely positive that I love Anonymous fucking with Westboro Baptist Church every single time.
- Westboro Baptist Church to Protest Funerals of 7 Children Killed in Oklahoma Tornado (amresolution.com)
- Westboro Baptist Church Member Blames Tornado on Kevin Durant’s Support of Jason Collins (blackamericaweb.com)
- Another Westboro Baptist Church Defector Tells Her Story (patheos.com)
- SMH: Westboro Baptist Church Blames Oklahoma Tornado On Gay Baller Jason Collins Coming Out The Closet “God Hates F*gs!” (bossip.com)
- NEWS: Anti-Gay Church Westboro Blames Woolwich Soldier Death On Gay People (musingsofamildmanneredman.com)
- Westboro Baptist Church blames Oklahoma tornado on Jason Collins, Kevin Durant (upi.com)
- Westboro Baptist Church pickets UA; counter protestors, bikers unite in droves (photos, video) (al.com)