Daily Prompt is in trouble? Quick! To the Sarcasmobile! Oh, crap, a flat tire. What to do? OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? GAH! HELP ME!!!!!!!!! What do you suggest?
Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react?
Oh. WHEW! Relax, people – I got this. Yes, I am happy. I must be wired backwards from most people, because when there’s a crisis, I am as cool as a cucumber in an icebox in the middle of the Antarctic in July, which will make sense to Aussies and Kiwis, but everyone else will think ‘isn’t it hot in July?’ – except for NO, because Antarctic. In a related story, man I hate cucumbers, except in metaphors and similes.
When a crisis comes up, I am for whatever reason incapable of freaking out. I’m at my most calm when something really bad is happening, especially when I have either no control over it or complete control over it. Except for maybe in matters of the heart, which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT! Other than that, though, I tend to step back, unless I’m on the edge of stairs because that’s dangerous, and consider all the options, even the crappy ones. Sometimes there are ONLY crappy options. Then, it’s a Hobson’s choice. I just pick the least crappy option – you know, like when you vote! Zing!
One thing I do, though, is imagine plausible crises, and then imagine what I would do in them. It’s like taking out my own Freak Out Insurance Policy – I’ve already inoculated myself against the crazy event that is now actually happening, so now I just have to choose some course of action. I only do this with plausible or even likely events. I’m not a hypochondriac or Chicken Little or something. Things like, for example, I’ve noticed each of my cars goes through about one major repair per year. So if it’s been a while for one of them, I start banking some money, and sure enough, holy fuck, car no work. So I’m inconvenienced for a day, and there you go. Crisis averted. Also, wallet depleted.
But that’s why they make bacon and alcohol! I’m surprised there isn’t a bacon-flavored liquor already…. wait a minute…. Hang on…. Yeah, that’s what I thought:
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