What Happened To The Neanderthals? Well…
So we were watching this documentary on Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals. Again with the documentaries? Yes. What? You have a problem with that? You should watch my new documentary “An Inconvenient Shut Up”. Now stop interrupting me in the middle of the end of the beginning of my own blog post, will you? Seriously, will you? I’m not even sure you’re still with us.
In this documentary, it was suggested that the Neanderthals did not actually go extinct, like they’ve been saying for years. They are still with us, like they’ve been saying for fewer years. Part of this was demonstrated by extracting DNA from some obvious Neanderthal bones, and then taking DNA from a bunch of (I guess) high school students and comparing. At the end, they gave percentages of each person’s DNA that was Neanderthalish. Oh, don’t worry, scientific method purists – they had more cultural representation than a Benetton ad, except this class is still around. Seriously, has anyone seen anything from Benetton lately? I certainly haven’t. Anyway, no one was higher than 3% Neanderthal – but it was there.
So what did they think happened? Well, it can be summed up like this: It can be summed up in other ways than this, I’m sure, but this is the way I summed it up:
What sets humans apart from all other species on earth is that we are the first and only species to make an entire population vanish by fucking them into extinction.
That’s right, we made love, not war, (partially Neaderthal) baby! We came, we saw, and we … came again! We sexed each other up until the much smaller Neanderthal population got subsumed into the much larger Cro-Magnon population via the miracle of fucking a whole bunch! That’s scientific, people. It’s verified by data and studies and stuff. Believe it!
You just saved up to 3% on your DNA by fucking us into extinction!
Edward Hotspur
I love brilliant science lessons in the morning!!
Did you see one before you read my post
Haha….nicely done!! Your brilliance is more than enough for one morning!!
I’m going to have to put out some nonsense posts just to take the bloom off the rose.
First off, I would have to say that we need no further proof of the ongoing Neanderthal bloodlines than your very existance… (HA)…
I saw that documentary… because even though I can’t spell, I like to learn me some stuff. Keep a little caveman inside you. No… not like that… damn Ed, you are a sick puppy…
Are you saying I’m a completely different species?
No… just a nice, heady mixture of some of the best ones… just like me…
And I would like to remind you once more, before I stop pestering you, to go read some stuff in the… uh… you know where…I have like three or four loyal followers, but it is a lot of work for that, and we are getting into the good stuff… but no pressure…
Oh yeah! I’ll go over there. I gotta triangulate on that place.
On the other hand, if you have to chose just one, I don’t want to lose you here. You are too valuable.
I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I get totally lost when reading some of your posts.
Fucking Apple Maps….
I know. I don’t even have an iPhone. Go figure.
Can I use a calculator?
Sure, but do you subtract the longitude from the lattitude or do you divide the lattitude by the longitude? I just need to use Google Maps.
I just guess.
Oh. Well I’ll do both and multiple by 4.3.
Or pi! I like pi – with whipped cream.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_eXQh6Qsh7Z8/Sjg_5TpgqwI/AAAAAAAABTw/Dy5kxXr3GLo/s400/nerds-hairpie-1.jpg
No dude – Brazilian.
Yeah, but that’s funny right there.
They all work in gov’t now.
Oh really? All the way to the top.
I am a math dumb dumb, but I do know Pi is 3.14 . . . on to infinity.
And beyond
I guess if you’re going to annihilate a species, what a way to do it!
Fuck yeah! Make love, not war.