What Happened To The Neanderthals? Well…
So we were watching this documentary on Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals. Again with the documentaries? Yes. What? You have a problem with that? You should watch my new documentary “An Inconvenient Shut Up”. Now stop interrupting me in the middle of the end of the beginning of my own blog post, will you? Seriously, will you? I’m not even sure you’re still with us.
In this documentary, it was suggested that the Neanderthals did not actually go extinct, like they’ve been saying for years. They are still with us, like they’ve been saying for fewer years. Part of this was demonstrated by extracting DNA from some obvious Neanderthal bones, and then taking DNA from a bunch of (I guess) high school students and comparing. At the end, they gave percentages of each person’s DNA that was Neanderthalish. Oh, don’t worry, scientific method purists – they had more cultural representation than a Benetton ad, except this class is still around. Seriously, has anyone seen anything from Benetton lately? I certainly haven’t. Anyway, no one was higher than 3% Neanderthal – but it was there.
So what did they think happened? Well, it can be summed up like this: It can be summed up in other ways than this, I’m sure, but this is the way I summed it up:
What sets humans apart from all other species on earth is that we are the first and only species to make an entire population vanish by fucking them into extinction.
That’s right, we made love, not war, (partially Neaderthal) baby! We came, we saw, and we … came again! We sexed each other up until the much smaller Neanderthal population got subsumed into the much larger Cro-Magnon population via the miracle of fucking a whole bunch! That’s scientific, people. It’s verified by data and studies and stuff. Believe it!