WELCOME, HAVERS OF IMPECCABLE TASTE, TO THE EXTRAVAGANZA THAT IS QUICKLY BECOMING KNOWN AS
THE TEARS OF A CLOWN
La Tristesse! Plus ca change, plus je suis pathétique!
This is the entry for Thursday, done masterfully by El Guapo on the subject of Identity Protection. Hide and Seek! Read this hidden journal discovered by invisible pirate ninjas! (Note: If you have never seen an invisible pirate ninja, rest assured, there are at least 7 in your house right now. Also, HAPPY TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!)
What’s all this then, Guapo?
&^&^&^&^?
Today’s Music: The Black Keys – Howling For You
Day 187, Anytown USA.
It’s dark here. The basement of this empty home is dank, and I have no company except the rats, a green couch and the dripping of this slop sink to keep me company.
drip…drip…drip…
How did I get here, you ask?
Well, it’s a funny story.
You see, I was once a semi productive member of society. I only used the internet for Google.
But then I saw something.
I found a blog. Then another and another and another.
I was loving it! I did some dancing. I learned how to ride the subway.
I found out that people actually get into The Bachelor.
It was enlightening! A whole new world had opened up to me! But then….
Then I saw the pictures.
LOOK AWAY!!!!
THE HIDEOUSNESS!!!
But it was too late! I’d left comments! Likes! PINGBACKS!!!
They knew who I was.
Fortunately, as with all things in life, WordPress had the answer. They could save me.
So I enrolled in WIP – WordPress Identity Protection. (And I bet you all thought I’d say I was writing a book!)
Eustace Esterhause – bon mot-ist – disappeared, and El Guapo was born!
This looks anonymous and unmemorable, right?
And everything was fine. I could surf the internet again, shrouded in anonymity.
But what happened next was my own fault. They told me I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t resist. I wandered over to Hotspur’s blog duel. And then I went to Le Clown’s blog duel.
THEY FOUND ME!!!!!
And now I’m trapped here in this dank basement. My time is running out.
What? Why don’t I run?
Because dachshund clowns have an excellent sense of sme- Did you hear something?
OH MY GOD! THEY’RE HERE!!!
Resistance is futile.
I’m…typing this…as I run…down the block…Oh No! I hear…their yipping…in front of me…another pack…chasing…a woman…I recognize her…from the WIP…seminar…If only the two of us could get new identities…that…might throw them…off…
Wait…I have….an idea that may…save us both!…
Hi there. My name is
El Guapo
Have you met
Madame Weebles?
El Guapo
Well, you know who has le hidden talent – literally? El Guapo! He’s the DB Cooper of blogs, though unfortunately without the large sacks of cash.
You must CLICK THE LIKES. MUST CLICK THEM! The likes are very EASY to find!
By the way, I am compelled to mention that Guapo‘s opponent, playing the Obscura, is Madame Weebles! Pip Pip, and all that rot!
Edward Hotspur
(P.S. What’s wrong with a green couch?))
I would click ‘like’ another million times, but I am not allowed…this is a hoot, people! I like being ahead of all of ye in time zones, too. Off to Madame Weebles…is that where I go now? Hmmm…
Ps. I have green couch in MY basement…I wonder…hey! What the-
You are allowed to click as much as you want. Ah,the green couch. Such a fashion miracle.
That’s the cutest little Mob Dachshund I have ever seen! Yes he is- he’s so cute. Does he want a treat? Does he? I just wuv doggies, yes I do. I bet he has a big bark, yes I do!
We know what you mean by “big bark”. Also, shush.
Think of this comment as a “like” although I cannot possibly click the actually “Like.” The unicorn picture was. . .um. . . rainbowey?
This is where Skittles got the idea for the slogan “Taste the Rainbow”
That clown picture is horrifying…just horrifying…
To be fair, it is not on fire. Thanks to Le Clown for the picture of his dog.
It could only be improved engulfed in flames. Clowns are horrifying – just horrifying…beyond description.
So horrifying, that you will ‘like’ the blog on this fashion conscious blog rather than the circus at my opponent’s pup tent.
I’m still not convinced you’re not one and same person…
I haven’t had time to really look over your blog – but your name is interesting b/c I like mediveal history and Henry Percey is Hotspur.
My blog is often looked over, but never overlooked. Thank you, and enjoy!
El Guapo,
This is not a LIKE. This is just Le Clown writing after laughing his magnificent ass off. Kudos.
Le Clown
The best part was the back and forth with Madame Weebles to coordinate the posts.
El Guapo,
So she said. She enjoyed it too.
Le Clown
By the way, “Kudos” is actually Esperanto for “Like”, so thanks again!
If you had worn certain costumes, your ‘back and forth time’ could have appeared in Ginger’s blog post.
I am confused – does this mean your ass is still quite large?
Guapo was hilarious.
Dachshund,
Large and beautiful.
Le Clown
Callipygian and pulchritudinous, if gargantuan.
It was surprisingly easy to take on Madame Weebles identity after that high heeled shoe incident a few weeks ag-
I’ve said too much.
Hey Kayjai – could you send some more chips to the basement?
Was that YOU with the shoes? Sorry about that. You and I wear the same shoe size.
You know what they say about a man who wears small shoes – right, “Madame” Weebles?
I was thinking more along the lines of Guap having big feet and mine being the same size as his. Because you know what they say about chicks with big feet.
Yes – they have big penises.
Exactly.
On the way, Guap! There’s Diet Coke in the fridge. Help yourself. Just clean up after, will ‘ya?
Yes, I liked this one, too. I swing both ways…life’s too short for limitations! lol
My blog generally appeals to people who swing both ways. Especially when Guapo and Ginger post on it.
Hey! We resemble that remark!
You are like the doorways to doors that swing both ways.
Oh my gawd- that makes you the door man!
Who in the hell have you let in here??
Don’t make me use the ‘doorknob’ reference.
Why would I make you do that, huh?
You wouldn’t make me – because you are not the boss of me.
Yeah, I forgot that YOU’RE the daddy, Daddy.
Whoa. Not a sugar daddy, though.
Oh, Guap. I so wish I could Like this post. I mean, I actually love it, but I wish I could also Like it. But alas, I cannot. You’re an awesome co-conspirator, El G!
Right back atcha, Madame Weebles!
Gah – we should have included a line telling people to like both posts, and gone for a draw.
Le Clown and Hotspur’s heads would have exploded.
hehehe
I do not explode. I express outwardly.
Clown’s head is already on fire.
You know what? Rules be damned. I’m Liking your post. Yeah, that’s right.
You could not resist. Resistance was futile. You will be assimilated – but you will not fall down.
That’s the worst Borg imitation I’ve ever read.
Apologies – I do not play or watch tennis, and I am unfamiliar with how they speak.
Damn you. That actually made me laugh out loud.
No one would ‘fault’ you for your ‘love’ of my humor.
Madame Weebles,
I followed your lead. Liked.
Le Clown
We are such amazingly good people.
I am glad to see my team has influenced your good natures.
Hey Hotspur, you’re awfully quiet this morning. Are you looking in the thesaurus for clever ways to say “I give up”?
Sorry – as a member of the 53%, I had prior commitments. But now, I will simply direct you to avail yourself of the many wonderful online thesauri, whereupon you can discover many synonyms for your concession speech needs.
I still value you as a friend and child’s toy.
Aw, you’re sweet. I had no idea you were a member of the 53%. Thanks for subsidizing me while I leech off the rest of society.
I am sweet. In fact, I am awesomesauce, which is awesome, and also sweet.
You should know by now that one is never safe online. You will always be hunted down. But the cute little kitty Gravatar certainly suits you. Perhaps you could take her bungee-jumping.
Or swimming – I have heard that cats love the water.
Oh, yes. Why didn’t I think of that?…
Ohmigosh…I can barely type a comment because I’m laughing so hard.
Type with one hand and laugh with the other.
My other hand is busy…um…doing stuff.
Like writing a doctoral thesis (that’s what all the college kids call it)?
On masturbation
A 1000-part study.
Peer reviewed?
No….are you looking for an invite?
I am not that kind of scientist.
Stupid tags. I ended up here after searching Porn, Nudity, Hot Chicks, and Lesbians. But I got to read an awesome and funny story that did have pictures of unicorn porn, a Hot (chick?) Dog, and a nude, or at least undressing, clown in scary make-up. Did I miss the lesbians?
Actually, Le Clown’s site brought me over. And since I’m not afraid of clowns or witness protection, I too will click “like.” Awesome story!
But it would have been more awesome with lesbians.
You won’t want to miss tomorrow’s post then. Thanks for yyour clickerous
Looking forward to it, I’ll be here with bells on.
That’s great! Just don’t tinkle on anything.
Dang it. I had my eyes on that green couch.
Okay, well as long as I know the house rules. I’ll keep my tinkle to myself.
On my blog, there is always a green couch. You are welcome to sit on it anytime you like.
I read this really fast and it didn’t look like ‘Clickerous’. It read as something else.
What’s that, Ginger? I don’t see what else it could be.
Licorice! Gawd, do I have to spell everything out for you?
Black or red?
Red, of course!
“Once you go black you never go back” does not apply to licorice.
I don’t like black licorice, only black m…. oh, nevermind.
You were going to say ‘blackmail’ – admit it.
No, nooo- I like black market licorice- it’s illegal in the states.
I am often thanked for my generous clickerous.
Wait. Um, I mean my licorice. My red licorice.
So you get compliments on your twizzler?
Go on with your bad self!
I bet your clickerous licorice is very delicerous.
Inserts inappropriate “That’s what she said.” line here.
“inappropriate” does not apply around here, well, in most cases anyway.
No, it doesn’t. I don’t think there’s a baseline of “appropriate” to measure against.
Yeah, he already informed me that I had to keep the tinkle to myself. But he did offer his couch as a sitting spot any time I’d like. So I guess we’re cool.
Haha, you guys are awesome!
Ohmygawd, we ARE awesome!
Especially Ginger.
Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
No, why?
There’s a reason I got a green couch.
Actually it’s chartreuse.
TRUE!
This is getting ridicorice.
No, it’s erogenous.
Running on Sober,
You are good people. Guapo is good people. This is a good thing.
Le Clown
Oh goodie! I’m into good people and good things- I’ll def check out Guapo’s good stuff. Many thanks!
Pingback: For Love and Diet Coke « Kayjai's Blog·
I just wanted to thank all the people who have liked this so far, and who have commented, read and/or masturbated to this post and/or Ginger’s post yesterday.
Cannot dislike El Guapo. But, to get things right, Mme Weebles is another team right? I’m getting confused. A clown’s world might be too difficult for me.
Look at both the blogs, and remember, green means go, or like.
I’m following both
.
That is the best idea I heard all day..
Doesn’t the fact that the person you are having a war with is here saying how much he likes it mean that you already won?
El Guapo, despite having resorted to the unicorn picture, which no serrious blogger would ever lower themselves to do, you have exceeded even your own twisted legend.
I agree. No serious blogger would ever use the Unicorn Pissing Rainbow picture. Guapo went the extra mile. He was not satisfied with just golden showers.
I had to say that. We have all done it. It needs to be done. Not often, but now and then. By people who care… about unicorns and rainbows and urine.
Sorry, that extra mile was just me trying to get further away from the madness…
There is a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow – and it flushes like a dream.
To say I’m confused by all this, is an understatement. To say I love El Guapo, is not. So, if liking this identity theft story is what’s required of me then consider it LIKED!!! I like anything he creates ; ) Yes, he has me brainwashed.
At least it’s clean – most of us still have dirty minds.
Dammit. I thought I was I was a die hard Weebles fan. And I am, but this made my life a little bit better. I wish we could award extra points for cahoots-ness. A co-operative duel? Are you guys socialists? So good.
“Pardon me, Aaron? Can I trouble you for some bullets? I seem to have left mine at the chateau”
“Why certainly, Alexander. Here you go.”
If I click like, will you remove those horrible pics forever?
Of course! Not!
Guapo,
I love you, like I love Project Runway. This being said, I don’t think you’re coming back from behind to beat la Weebles. I am giving her my winning ribbon now. If you prove me wrong, I will film you a special video.
Le Clown
You like Runway over ANTM? Oh, wait, I see. You might prefer CNTM, over ANTM, no?
Edward,
I do. I admit it. Even if I watch ANTM. And Survivor. Yes. I do. When I sobered and cleaned up, I got addicted to trash.
Le Clown
I only know of them because of the womenfolk around here. Except Design Star, when I had HGTV – I watched that on purpose.
Le Clown, are u giving up the gauntlet?
I think he’s actually ordered a matching gauntlet.
Well, i think he might do that yes.
I can’t get that Chicago song out of my head now. I’m not sure if it’s this post that’s messing with my head or if it’s staring at all this chartreuse… It might also be the pirate clown with the curlers.
P.S. Do people actually get into the Bachelor? Is there something you know about Chris Harrison that I don’t?
P.P.S. I actually like the couch background. It’s almost like a warning for what’s to come.
Wow, that’s terrible asking him if he knows Chris Harrison… oh wait, I’m thinking of Chris Hanson.
Eew. No. He said he frequented WORDPRESS, not sketchy chat rooms.
Oh well, in any case I love that song Chris Hanson did. MMMBop.
Dachshunds are cuter than clowns so you guys should win. But wait, I like some of the people over there too. It is too haaarrrd. But it looked like Frenchie the Clown was in the lead there so I liked you.
(Plus I liked your post as well.)
He is le kicking our l’asses.
You still have one day left! On the plus side, I bet some new people are discovering your very bright, I mean bright, blog. That neon green is impressive.
It’s chartreuse, actually.
What do you call it when someone pretends to have had an accident whilst farting?
A shart ruse.