Please extinguish all smoking materials
I don’t know if you heard or saw these… I mean this… but apparently, Kate Middleton was photographed topless in a French riviera, and this after Harry was photographed bottomless in a Vegas hotel. In other news, who gives a fuck?
Piers Morgan, that’s who. I follow him on Twitter, and it seems like 75% of his tweets are expressing shock and outrage over this. My take on it? Who cares? Oh my, Piers Morgan has discovered that the royals have body parts just like all other humans. Let’s all flagellate ourselves over this shocking discovery!
The thing is, the royals are no different from, say, Paris Hilton. Think about it, man! All of them are famous for doing absolutely nothing but being born into the “right” family. We wouldn’t know any of them if their parents hadn’t been famous, rich or both. Why should we worship or exalt people because they were born into a certain family, or in the case of Kate Middleton, married into it? We shouldn’t.
Someone could argue that British royalty is bigger than the people – it’s a representation of Britain itself, an icon of British heritage. To them I say: You know what else is an icon of British heritage? The British legal system, which still involves wearing powdered wigs and bows. If you want to be outraged over something, I offer THAT.
Now, a musical interlude provided by Emperor Palpatine, if he was in Grease:
We’ll get a fleet of Tie fighters and four Death Stars, oh yeah
(Keep shocking, whoa keep shocking)
Two right arms cut off with chrome replacements, oh yeah
(The Clones are ready, I’ll kill to get them ready)
With a four-armed general, we’re gonna kill them all
You know that we’re the Sith, and we’re more than just a myth
Force Lightning
Go Force Lightning, I’m burning up a young Jedi
(Force Lightning, go Force Lightning)
Go Force Lightning, I’m shocking him to death in style
(Force Lightning, go Force Lightning)
I am supreme, a Palpatine, with Force Lightning
Ah yes. Impressed with me now, you are. You’re so Hoth for me. I know you want me to Leia, but you’ll have to go Han Solo, I’m afraid.
I know “interlude” implies something that comes in the middle. (Stop giggling, you cretin.) But that’s all you get. Hotspur is busy doing other things, like working. Here are some tips to get you through the day:
1) If you want to sleep at work, put some paper clips on the floor and lay with your head on the desk, arm dangling. If anyone disturbs you, you just act like you were picking up the paper clips. If you’re lucky enough to have an office with a door, you can fully lay out on the floor with your feet next to the door, and if anyone opens it, it hits your feet, you wake up, and again you pretend you were picking up the paper clips.
2) It’s that time of year – candy corn is now readily available! If you mix equal parts candy corn and peanuts, and eat a handful, it tastes just like a Payday candybar!
3) If you want to drink at work, you should be ashamed of yourself. Drink BEFORE you come to work. Then you can claim you’re just still drunk from the night before. Everyone will be more understanding that way. Of the situation, that is – your speech will still be slurred.
Edward Hotspur
I’d rather just win the lottery and skip work altogether.
Hell to the Yeah
I’m with EG. My retirement plan now consists of filling out Publisher’s Clearing House emails.
On the other hand I work from home, so the cat never notices the gin on my breath during work hours.
Yeah! My wife and I started a joint e-mail just for entering contests. I can count our winnings on no hands.
You need to be the new Weird Al. We can call you “Blog Al.”
No, that’s stupid. How about, “Blog Ed?”
No, no, still not right. I know! “Ed al.” It sounds all Latin and shit.
Win!
“Fucking Badass Edward Motherfucking Hotspur”
That sounds Latin too. As in, I’m latin you use it.
Hey baby, want a little Latin in ya? ‘Cuz I gotta brother.
I’ll pass.
I like your paper clip idea – where were you when I was still working? I used to fall asleep on a regular basis & of course I never have an office with a door, so I can’t use the feet trick. AND you tailored those song lyrics to me didn’t you cause you know how much I like them
Of course I did!
I don’t get a desk at work! Or an office, or even a cubicle. I have to run around in circles while customers yell drink orders at me all day. FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
The bar is your desk, the glasses your staplers, the drinks your paper, this metaphor your ‘WTF is he talking about?’
That is simply…the best song ever.
Thanks.