I’m sitting there at work. My wife and I had been having a discussion this morning about whether our daughter Daria, age 20, had moved out. Wife thought so. I thought not, chalking it all up to the new license and car, and no longer needing to bring a car back. And then, this conversation happened via text message.
Wife: Um….. Daria did move out…. and she got married today
Me: LOL good one
Wife: Like for real…. hold on
Wife: She did
Me: Did move out = sure. No notification = sure. Got married = no.
Wife: [PICTURE OF THE FUCKING MARRIAGE LICENSE AS OF TODAY]
Me: …..
Wife: [PICTURE OF DARIA AND HER NEW HUSBAND HOLDING THE FUCKING MARRIAGE LICENSE IN OUR KITCHEN]
Me: What’s your reaction?
Wife: Shock…. right now…. and yours?
Me: Um…. just can’t stop thinking about the other night.
Me: Ah, that night….. Nice….
Wife: Hun?
Me: What I think is that it is out of character for Daria, and I sense that you are about to go up in parental rank.
Wife: No… just a son in law
Me: You = months away from being a grandmother.
Wife: No, they aren’t planning kids yet – first thing I fucking asked…. sheesh
Me: I never said it was planned.
And the conversation got more specific and more in the weeds about what a horrible idea it was. Our general consensus was we like the guy, who I’ll nickname Ross – we like Ross, but WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!?!?
Where are they going to live? Insurance? College? All that stuff. I don’t get it. Apparently they decided on Sunday, and did it today. Monday. That is fucking batshit insane with a side of Jesus fuckenstein I need a drink.
And then when I got home, all ready for the onslaught of talking about it, I had forgotten that it was the kids’ orientation at school this evening. So we had to be pretty reserved, and discuss it in the car on the way there. And all the way home, and to everyone we know.
This is our OJ trial. This is our Challenger disaster. This is our personal 9/11. This is our Real Housewives of Southwest Ohio.
In the immortal words of Dr. Sam Beckett…..
“Oh boy.”
Edward Hotspur
Duuuuuuude!
I’m sorry- I have nothing else intelligent to say. Ummmmm, at least you like him, right?
He’s okay, but I don’t really know him that well. I know he’s 31. And a manager of some store.
Wow. Congrats I guess. If it helps, my parents got married when they were 21 and they did ok.
Was one of them 31? And were they dating for only a month? And was one of them dating someone else only 5 months prior? The friend of the spouse they eventually married?
No. I was just trying to be optimistic and look on the bright side.
How Eric Idle of you.
As long as it helps.
This response kind of tells me that you _might_ not be happy about it?
I think I’m cool with it now.
That’s crazy that you guys can just do that, We can’t get married over night, in the UK. We have to give notice…let people make any ‘objections’…before it can be legal. This system may have been some benefit, in this situation.
Bleh. Yeah, that sounds like a good system.
Uhhhhhh congratulations?
feel for ‘ya my friend. Got a WTF from my daughter today too. she’s almost 19, full ride scholarship to SFSU, decided to live with 3 other girls on a 1 bedroom in SF and skip the dorms this year. Get a job, walk to school the usual crap a student shouldn’t do.
Today she calls; was fired, has to be out of the apt by the 19th of the month and did not apply for any grants or scholarship money this semester because she had everything ‘under control.’
Now talking about moving back home with me here to Reno. WTF. she’s a genius and about to be moving home? After skipping a college semester because of her great grades. Oh, and I’ve rented out her bedroom to make the rent.
Must be the freaking month for it.
After all… who doesn’t know everything at 19 or 20?
Good luck!
a genius and I see it all going down the toikl
I don’t know if it will work or not, but they only decided to get married yesterday, and told no one. Living arrangements, finances, school, these things have not really been thought out.
Not to mention, Wife is NOT happy about the no notification.
sure don’t blame her!
She’s a little out of it, a little distressed. Poor woman.
last line? just erase that. f’ing WP won’t allow me to see the entire comment as I type half of the time.
I know. It sucks.
When I was 17 I started dating a 24 year old, a few months later when I turned 18, you guessed it, we moved in together. For three years. Very unpleasant years. It ended badly; in marriage. Fortunately two things: 1. The divorce was painless when I finally grew a backbone a few months later. And 2. My mom was consistent in keeping open a healthy non-judgmental communication- so that in the back of my head I knew going home was always an option. She’s a wise woman. So, I hope my hindsight mistake may help you, the shock is nasty and I’m sorry for you and your wife. Hardest thing is to let your kids make their own mistakes knowing they might get hurt. I don’t know the relationship y’all have with your daughter, but if you guys can keep it open for her, it’ll be better for you both.
It’s the way it was done more so than that it was done. Daughter is not as mature as she thinks.
Holy…wow.
I am glad that you like this Ross. At least there is that. You were right to be suspicious of the fetal motivation behind it. Babies are nice, but holy crap are kids work.
I feel really bad admitting this, but that is EXACTLY what HR and I did 19 years ago this week. I think I need to apologize to our parents.
I’m pretty sure you didn’t get married because all your friends were married.
No, no, we suffered from fetal motivation.
You were motivated to have kids? Wow, that biological clock started ticking early.
You just need time to get used to the idea.
Oh, i’m used to her doing ridiculous things
This makes me glad MY dad isn’t a blogger. I don’t think I’d have wanted to see his post on the day a few years ago when I called him to say “Oh, I got married this morning.” To another alcoholic (a generation my senior) whom I had just met in Rehab and who had been married to someone else the day before, when neither of us had jobs… (Actually, it’s even worse than that–we found out afterward that his divorce papers didn’t get filed when we thought, so he legally WAS still married when we tied the knot.) But–two days of accidental bigamy aside–we’ve been joyful ever since. Even my dad has gotten over the shock.
She came over here this morning to take a shower, because where she lives now has only one bathroom and 4 people. Meanwhile, first day of school is today, and I got work and wife needs a shower, so our daughter is still being selfish and inconsiderate. Not thinking things through.
Well all I have to add is .. nothing really helpful I am sure. No..I don;t think so upon contemplation so I am just going to say.. I feel for you and wow..
Thanks, and yeah, wow.
I’m so sorry…not sure what else to say. My daughter is approaching 19 and I can see her acting on impulse and doing something strange and unpredictable, but not GETTING FUCKING MARRIED!! Ugh. Hang in there…God that sounded lame. Ummm….keep your chin up? No? Get a drink…or 10.
To say nothing of my wife, who is just in shock.
Totally! To be left out of such an event! Ugh. Not a word or discussion! Nothing!
Not telling anyone is a sure sign that on some level you think it’s a bad idea that people will try to talk you out of.
Yes, exactly. So she’s aware that you will not approve and that you, as her parent, will do your best to change her mind. She was perhaps afraid that would indeed happen, so chose to do it anyway and hope for the best?! There are certainly other ways to assert your independence from your parents…marriage is a grand leap of epic proportions.
She had already moved out and moved in with a boyfriend about 2 years ago, so it’s not like independence hadn’t already been declared. She’s already dressed like a gypsy goth punk or something, with multicolored hair and strange makeup and clothes, so shocking us has been tried. And she’s expressed putting off marriage until after college so many times it’s not funny.
So I don’t get the motivation.
Was she feeling pressure from the groom, perhaps? If he is older, maybe he was the driving force behind the whole marriage thing. I don’t know…so many people get married for a wide variety of different reasons. You said there seems to be no thought behind this or rational reasons for them getting married…was she looking for stability, a constant companion…he gives her security or something? I’m just shooting in the dark, of course. There may be no way of making sense of this.
NO idea. No information is forthcoming, even to my wife.
I have no other possibilities to thrash out. As much as this sucks, I hope you all can work out some sort of familial, I was going to say ‘bonding’ but that doesn’t sound right, familial something from this. Sorry this happened. Best wishes, always…
“Expansion”?
Actually…yeah. That’s about right.
GAH!
Holy nuptials, Batman!
I totally get it was the way she pulled it off, you’re right that when it’s kept secret, that’s a clue you’re not proud of your choice. When I moved out of the house with that guy? I’d packed in secret for weeks, then woke my mom up from a nap and told her I was moving out…right then…the U-haul was parked out front. Yeah. Still one of my biggest cringes. Apparently my mom tells me I apologize annually. I have no memory of previous apologies. My two cents you totally didn’t ask for: 31 and 20? He’s not doing what’s best for her and real love would be less selfish. Hope I didn’t overstep, Edward.
I’m not sure the ages matter as much as they’ve totally dated each other’s friends, and kept this a secret, and did it spontaneously, and….
I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting. What can I say? Again more typing and deleting. Wish I could do better. Sorry. I feel for you.
LOL thanks
Best of luck to you , your wife, your daughter and hubby!
I don’t have a hubby!
Commie!
Faustian Hemmelburger!
That’s easy for you to say……
Gold medal
I feel for you, but all I can think is… you really had to make that comment about ‘the other night’ in this conversation? You are the man.
Yes. It was the text equivalent of “la la la la I’m not listening to you happy place happy place”
It is hard to text with a finger in each ear. The hardest part of being a parent is when we have to stop fixing their mistakes. Or something…
Damn dude, that’s crazier than me!
First, I love the blogs where you are conversating with your wife! Second, My daughter who is 8 just told me that last year her bus driver made her stay on the bus after all the other kids got off because she had been talking to loudly. The bus driver drove her around to where the buses get parked and had her get into her personal vehicle to be driven back to the front of the school. I am telling you this because my heart dropped because a) I had no control b) bad things happen c) all stories can be worse. I was worried for days there was more to this story but this is all that happened. It could have easily been much worse. I would be in shock too….I would not be happy….I would eventually see that I have done what I can and now the rest of her life is up to her…she is now off life support. LOL Dang I just ruined our relationship by being too serious. Forgive me!
Relationships can’t be all icing. In your case, the incident was out of everyone’s control. In fact, I would have reported it because taking students home, or anywhere, in a personal vehicle is unprofessional, dangerous for both parties, and just a really bad idea.
Not to mention, if the bus driver had been a man, he’d be fired right now, sexist though that may be.
I did the whole mama bear thing. I reported it and then called all her friends moms and warned them to have a conversation with their kids. My daughter told me because it made her worry, and rightly so, I told her they are just people too and some of them can be bad. She had a person of authority telling her what to do but I told her when she feels something is wrong I give her permission to throw a fit…I will defend her. LOL I was all worked up over this deal.
Putting a kid in danger, or apparent danger, is not an appropriate “punishment” for talking loudly. A note home, maybe. I would have been pissed off too.
Did you like how I made your post about me…ya know…trying to get your mind off things
My comments sections tend to drift far from the post subject. That’s part of my blog’s charm. The people. The people are what make my blog what it is. Especially the people who I completely plagiarize for my blog.
Just kidding! I change enough words that it sounds original! Ha ha!
Also, don’t think I don’t appreciate you masking your selfishness with altruism.
I have a Master’s Degree in Selfish Empathy
I have a PhD in WTF.
You are my mentor
I’m the freshmaker?
Freshest teacher I have ever met!!!
Fresh as in da bomb, da illest, etc. I’m also pretty fly, and diggity. Not wack at all! Word!
Ummm I was thinking the wackest with the maddest teaching skilz around but….then you used the word diggity and you lost all your skilz creditibility.
Ain’t no thang. That’s how I roll.
Well, thank you for directing me here, but after reading this my mind is elsewhere. As much of a shock as I’m sure it is, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that things work out for them. What craziness!
You were figuring out how old I was.
Oh yeah. Okay, I think I have an idea. But, you could have been like, 15 when your daughter was born. Or 20. Or 30. Or 50.
Just to mess you up more, she’s actually my stepdaughter. But I’ve been the only father she’s known since she was 4.
Also, the walrus was Paul. Paul Simon.
Rawr!!!