Dawn Of The Ubermans 2

Now, he had a prom to get to. A prom date with Your Mom.

Turn back! Click here for Part 1!

On the way to Your Mom’s house, he thought of the time several years ago at the county fair, when an old Gypsy fortune teller told his fortune by handing him a Gypsy fortune cookie. When he opened it, the delicate and crisp piece of paper with a life-changing fortune printed on it, along with some translation of a word no one ever used and some numbers, was missing. The gypsy noticed this, but instead of giving him another cookie, she simply said “You will find happiness forever when you meet a woman named… um… let’s see… Betty. Yes, Betty. That’s her name. Good old Betty. If she can’t do it, no one can. Next!”

He had always had doubts that the “next” part of the fortune really applied to him. It didn’t seem to be directed towards him, but then again, it just might be. But if it was, what could it mean? What’s ‘next’? Next life? Next day? Next-

He realized that not only had he had walked 10 miles past Your Mom’s house, but he had walked. It was 7:53, and he was going to be extremely late for the first real dance date he had ever had. Or was he? He promised himself that he would never do this. No, never. No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But this time… was different. This time, it was personal. This time, he was going to meet the love of his life, assuming that fortune teller wasn’t lying through her teeth. And he had to be there to pick up his date on time. Also, he had to put on his tux, which he had forgotten. He had to fly. Literally.

George jumped into the air, and immediately fell to the ground. He couldn’t be seen! Not tonight. But that gave him an idea. He began skipping. Superskipping. And he superskipped all the way home, put on his tux, and drove all the way back to Your Mom’s house with seconds to spare! He had made it. He had also forgotten to get flowers. Thinking quickly, he tore some nice flowers out of the neighbor’s yard, and made it back to the doorbell just as Mrs. Mom opened the door.

“Ah, hi. You must be George. Your has told me so little about you! So, you wait in the foyer. She’ll be out when she’s out.”

George waited just 5 minutes before an incredible smoking hot woman appeared in front of him. Literally. Wait – literally? That couldn’t be… could it? He rubbed his eyes, and when he opened them again, Your Mom was walking down the stairs, backwards for some reason – but she did look amazing.

“Wow! You look great, Your. I, uh, got you these flowers!”
“Thank you, George! I’ve always loved these flowers. They look just like the ones my neighbor has!”
“Yeah? What a coincidence! Funny, huh?”
“Yup. Well, you ready?”
“Absolutely. Thank you for going with me, Your. I really appreciate it.”
“Oh, you’re welcome, George. It’s the least I could do. You’re not a bad guy.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Well, you’re the least bad guy I know!”
“You’re even less bad than that!”
“Oh yeah? Well-”
“You kids are going to be late for the dance!”
“Right. Let’s go. Are you driving?”
“I thought we could walk. It’s a nice night.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“Yes, I’m joking. That’s my car right over there.”

George was a gentleman, and he didn’t spit on the sidewalk as he opened the door for his lovely lady. They chatted about school and other boring crap all the way to the dance, which was not at the school, but at a nearby concert hall, The Drag. It was originally called The Dragon, but the O and N had been burned out for so long that the owner had simply changed the name. AS they got to the door, Your grabbed George’s arm.

“George, I wanted to talk to you before we went in. I know about you. I know you have a crush on Betty Dident, and you just asked me so you could be in there with her. I like you, so I said yes anyway. You’ve never mocked me and you’ve always treated me with respect, and… George?”

George wasn’t really listening, because just at that moment, Betty arrived with Bobby Villain, and she looked fantastic. George’s heart started racing, and he stepped in front of the pair as they neared the door.
“Wow… you look great!”
“Thanks.”
“Not you, Bobby. I was talking about Betty.”
“Thank you, George. Who’s your date? Oh, it’s that foreign chick. YOU LOOK VERY NICE!”
“She’s not deaf, Betty.”
“But she doesn’t speak the language, George. Duh. Well, see you inside, or not.”

As Betty and Bobby passed, they began snickering, which turned to laughter as they went inside. George turned to Your.
“I’m sorry about that, Your. What were you saying?”
“Oh, just that… well, thanks for asking me to the prom.”
“Anytime. Well, not anytime, obviously, because this is the last…”
George trailed off, not knowing how to finish. They walked inside.

The concert hall looked festive, due to its Pirates of the Gulf of Aden theme. The organizer of the dance, Shari Smores, had wanted a pirate theme that had never been done before, and the Somalian coast was just the break she was looking for. George and Your walked inside. Then they looked at each other strangely.
“Didn’t we just walk inside?”
“I thought we did too. What’s going on, George?”
“I don’t know, but we’ve got to find out. Come on.”

They walked inside again, but this time they stayed inside. Total Eclipse of the Heart was playing over the loudspeakers while everyone danced or didn’t, depending on how cool they were.
“Total Eclipse of the Heart? I thought something was wrong before, George, but that song usually doesn’t get played until later, after the DJ has to go pee. Also, it’s a terrible, terrible song and that’s the reason Meat Loaf turned it down, I think.”
“I totally agree. Bat Out Of Hell was a watershed album from the talented Jim Steadman, but that song represents a droning low point, marring an otherwise stellar career.”
“Indeed. Oh, and also, what time is it?”
“It’s- holy crap, Your, it’s 9:17pm! What the hell happened to the last hour or so?”
“It’s Bobby.”
“What? How do you know that?”
“I just… know. I know things.”

Click here for Part 3!

Edward Hotspur

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