Beautiful sun
You bring light to the world
You bring life to the world
But can you not burn out my retinas
When I look around the visor
To see if the light has changed?
Beautiful trees
Majestic and awesome
Tall and proud
But can you work together with the wind
To drop all your leaves
In the neighbor’s yard?
Beautiful food
Tasty and nice
Multicolored nutrition
But what’s the deal with melons
And why do they taste
So awful?
Why does the phrase “100% recycled”
Make me so nervous
When it appears on toilet paper?
Why do sunscreens
Claim to be waterproof?
Shouldn’t they be sunproof?
Why can’t our technology
Invent something that absorbs moisture
That you CAN eat?
Beautiful brain
Your thoughts are many
You never stop working
But can you shut the fuck up
So I can get some sleep
Insted of shutting down
When I’m trying to think
Of someone’s name?
Edward Hotspur
Hilarious. My brain often shuts down too. Unfortunately, not just when trying to remember names.
Also when you hear Nickelback or see a Kardashian?
Precisely!
What if a Kardashian appeared in a Nickelback video? Good lord.
LOL!
Seriously, you need to make a book of these. When I was in high school I bought this book called DEEP THOUGHTS WITH JACK HANDY which was a written compilation of SNL skits. Believe me when I say that I read the fuck out of it. Everyone I knew had a copy. I’d read the fuck out of this too.
I would be sure to put lots of extra fuck in it, then.
That’s what she–
Nah…I can do better. Give me a few.
‘I can do better. Give me a few. ‘ That’s what she said!
BAH!! FOILED AGAIN!!
I jimmy flap blasted you
Once again, you have made me spit out my morning coffee with your wit. I love reading your poems. You’re an inspiration to those of us who aspire to be ridiculous on purpose. Thanks!
No, thank YOU! Wait… are you calling my poem ridiculous? That’s so….. accurate.
Wow… and I thought I had a gift for finding the cloud in the silver lining.
A gift card.
I never get carded anymore… that is the gift.