Ripped On The Headlines!
Fred Willard Arrested For Masturbating In Movie Theater – His next film is The Yank. Seriously.
Kristen Stewart Cheats On Rob Pattinson With Married Director – She shows no remorse, or any other emotion whatsoever, and never has.
XXX Olympics Begins – What the hell? This is just a bunch of people running around, swimming and throwing things! Talk about false advertising.
Lindsay Lohan Rear-Ends Another Car – She wanted to prove that she wasn’t a trainwreck by getting in a car wreck.
Jennifer Grey Says She Was Afraid To Do The Dirty Dancing Lift – Facelift, not so much.
Student Sues Teacher Over Grade – No child left behind the witness stand.
U.S. Weightlifter Picks Up Michelle Obama – She wanted to make sure she took first…lady.
Romney Makes Olympic Gaffe – He takes the gold in Olympic Foot Tasting.
Man Stashes Money In Oven, Money Gets Baked – This guy is reeeeeeeeally confused about what ‘laundering money’ means.
Skydiver Jumps From 18 Miles Up – He really knows how to get down.
Ice-T Calls Limbaugh ‘Racist Piece of Shit’ – Al Franken finally has a title for his next Rush book.
Chick-Fil-A Public Relations Executive Dies From Heart Attack – Apparently God isn’t happy with Chick-Fil-A’s message.
Grandmother In Line In Front Of Me At Walmart Buys Copy Of 50 Shades of Grey – Edward Hotspur embarrasses the shit out of her!