The mouse moved by itself because of the tension of the cord against the monitor base. It creeped him out for a second, before he realized what it was. Captain Commando was used to leading, not mousing or computing. He was also shocked at how this supposedly ubiquitous program allowed him to point at little to no power. This meeting of the League of Doing Nasty Things To Bad People was about to be called to order – specifically, an order of fries which were his, and oh yeah, 27 large pepperoni pizzas.
“I call this meeting to be in the position of beginning to start commencing!” Super Duper Duplication Man liked to start each meeting that way, twice, because his power was just like that, plus he was a little OCD.
“Thank you, SDD Man! As you all know, except for Easily Distracted Guy and Brain Drain, The Wedgies have invaded Earth, and have set up a base of operations in the parking lot of the Mall of America. We have to act fast, one, because they will get inside the mall soon and then thousands of Minnesotans will become high-pitched and uncomfortable, but two, because Time Slowing Man is on vacation this week in Sweden.”
“HOW MUCH LONGER DOES HE HAVE?!?! HUH?”
“ALL CAPS-TAN AMERICA… glad you could make it. No, really I am. He has however long he has, because he only knows how long he has given himself to have.
“SO, A COUPLE DAYS?”
“Yeah, more or less. Anyway, I’ve taken the liberty of dividing us into two teams. Easily Distracted Guy, you go with Super Duper Duplication Man, Vague Reference Person, Doctor Waiting Room, Brain Drain,and Spiderdog and check out whether or not we can dig a hole under their base and collapse it into the hole, thus making the base really difficult to operate. Or see. Super Hot Chick, Model Girl, Wonderbra Woman and Bootylicious, you will be coming with me inside the mall to protect the citizens from vicious wedgie attacks and stuff.”
“Captain Commando, I can’t help but notice that all the females are with you. I demand you stop being so gigolic.”
“Easily Distracted Guy, LOOK! A puppy!”
“Where? I love puppies! Oh boy!”
“Anyway, in case any of the rest of you have any questions, please note: I’m the only superhero in the bunch who is not wearing his or her underwear on the outside of his or her clothes, so I suggest you take that into consideration when you’re considering what team you’re on. Thank you very much. Let’s go. Super Hot Chick, you will ride up front with me.”
“I know. And I’ll also work the radio.”
“I… find myself unable to…. say no…. despite your…. love of crappy tunes…. I cannot resist…. your power is too great….”
“Ha ha! Works every time. Nonstop Nickelback all the way there!”
“FOOL! You took it too far. You’re in the back. Wonderbra Woman, you ride up front. No Nickelback! It’s like the opposite of kryptonite to me. It’s like…. Craptonite. It totally empowers me to shut it down. Hey… that gives me an idea. Bootylicious! Report!”
“Here, boss. I don’t have many lines in this thing, but I’ll do what I can. Besides, it’s better than Model Girl – she doesn’t have any lines at all.”
“That’s not a line. Doesn’t count. Anyway, we’re going to use the power of Nickelback to destroy the Wedgie Collective. They won’t be able to stand up to the massive onslaught that is Chad Kreuger! And Bootylicious, you’re the only one who can take this CD to the other team. Take it now! And give it to Easily Distracted Guy! He’ll know what to do, and he’ll forget a few seconds later, but you can remind him. Use your booty power. Go!”
Bootylicious took the Nickelback CD and carried it to Easily Distracted Guy. After a few tries, he took some Marshall stacks into the base disguised as zebras, hooked up the CD and played it. The others fled the area, and EDC was immune because he found a yo-yo. Captain Commando and the League of Doing Nasty Things To Bad People had saved the day once again! Though his team didn’t find out any of this until after hours of intense shopping!