It's Early

It’s early, and raining, and I’m waiting outside a doctor’s office. I’m here to get evaluated for a penis reduction… it’s been hurting my back to carry all that around. No, seriously, I’m here to get tested for chlamydia because our surrogate warned me that she had it, and also that she might be pregnant, and my wife is ecstatic because she wanted more kids but didn’t want to get pregnant again or raise the kids. See, we’re doing well, but we can’t afford artificial insemination, so I had to do it the old fashioned way! And let me tell you, impregnation was really hard (ha ha), and I had to keep doing it until she took. It was even harder since I had a vasectomy a few years ago, but I am persistent, and I will keep trying. Fingers crossed!

Some of you might be wondering if any of that is true. Well I’ll be honest.

Anyway, it’s raining for once, and that means two things. I forget one of them, but the other one is pollen. Pollenator! Hooray, because I was in real danger of being able to breathe freely and easily.  So thank you, Magic Sky Nature Deity Person Force.  I insert a pic now.

Blurry, just like my sense of smell. I have a blurry sense of smell. Don’t judge. Judgy! I see you judging me! Through my bifocal binoculars. Yes, I am wearing underwear. I’m not a whore!

Well, well. There’s only a little time left. I did this on my phone, so forgive all the hashtags and dialtones. Oh yeah, that reminds me… my house phone stopped working. No dialtone, no nothing. Very odd. Gonna test it out at the box later.

Which brings us full circle.

Edward Hotspur

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