Highly Confident Guy Explains Women To Women

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I seem to be inspired by other bloggers this week! And this time is no different. This time, it’s a post by Freechick about 5 things men don’t understand about women. I’ll fire the first shot in this here post by saying that she should have titled that ’5 things PEOPLE don’t understand about women.” There, I said it. Her five things were:
Mood Swings
Why We Don’t Like Other Girls
Why We Always Skirt Around An Issue
Why We Dissect Everything
Why We’re So Insecure

I will address these, more or less, on some level or another, but I just started typing and I am not going to edit, so if anyone is offended by this post, I’m not surprised.

Mood swings are fine, but women don’t seem too understand them either! They rarely realize ‘wow, that reaction seemed a little over the top and made no sense whatsoever…. oh, I’m having mood swings.’ It’s usually more like ‘HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE THE PINA COLADA SONG? Are you completely insensitive and heartless? And where’s my drink?”

Why don’t women like other women… girls are bitches – that says it all. Why are they bitches to each other? Because they all project their own feelings onto other people, and it’s easier to attack that bitch over there for implying you have cankles than to attack yourself for thinking you do. This same phenomenon is true for dates with the boyfriend or husband: “What do you want to eat/see/listen to/do/watch?” The woman has no idea, and can’t come up with anything, but it’s much easier to listen to the guy’s suggestion and attack it on some basis than it is to admit she doesn’t know! And if THIS isn’t the case, she’s already decided and she’s just corralling the guy into her predetermined choice by shooting down all his suggestions until he’s like “so I don’t want to see Avengers, I want to see… Notebook II? And then go shopping? Right?”

Women don’t say what they mean! They say X but mean Y… why not just say Y to start out with? Don’t say “it sure is cold in here” – say “hey, can I wear your coat? I’m cold.” A statement is a statement, not a request. You know what is a request? A REQUEST is a request! Shocking, I know. But I’ve figured this out – a woman doesn’t want to admit that she foolishly didn’t bring something warm to wear, so this is her tactic for dealing with it – it’s much easier for her to make a guy feel bad for not offering his coat than it is for her to admit she can’t plan, prepare or read weather reports…. or calendars.

Now, I’m going to make a mind-blowing observation:

Women are insecure because they have mood swings, don’t say what they mean, and dissect everything, especially other girls.

Women compare themselves to other women all the time. And that’s fine, but they choose to focus on the one area where another woman is better than them rather than the many many areas in which they are better than the other woman. This leads to insecurity and mood swings.

Say a woman asks a guy if he loves her, and he says ‘yes’. Women will take the one word ‘yes’ and analyze the shit out of it (as Freechick put it, shrugging, inflection, tone of voice, actions matching words, etc.), but when they say ‘let’s take a vacation’ they think that ‘why don’t you book us a vacation’ is clear. In other words, the guy that answers a direct question (Do you love me?) with a direct answer (Yes) gets analyzed, but the woman who just makes a statement of opinion that really means something else…. should be taken at face value? Which face?

Contributing to a woman’s insecurity are:
Magazines
Movies
TV shows
Celeb-centric tabloids
Ads
Clothing stores
Models
Reality shows
Plastic surgery
Airbrushing
Photoshop
Critically staring into a mirror
Bad hair days
Wind
Rain
Darkness
Light
Society
Other women
Voices inside her head

And contributing to a woman’s sense of self worth are:
A guy telling her she looks pretty

Yeah, we have no fucking chance! How are we supposed to overcome all that overwhelming soul-shredding?

And forget the myth that guys look better as they age. That’s true for SOME guys, but not all, just as it is for women. Some guys lose their head hair and gain hair in other places, gain weight, get pasty, etc. And you ladies, I hear your catty conversations:
“Did you see that guy? He actually thought he was something, coming up to me all bald and wrinkled. Please.”

But think about it. The guy is doing the right thing! He’s going on about his business with no regard for how he looks! Assuming he has some other redeeming qualities like a sense of humor or compassion or kindness, his strategy will pay off because he has confidence that isn’t based on looks. And that’s where women go wrong! They base a certain amount of confidence on their looks, and when their looks fade, their confidence fades. So, like, don’t do that and junk. But I know women will continue to do it.

Here’s the mindblowing revelation I think you should all read and think about for a long time: Women should be THANKING the porn industry! THANKING it! That’s right, I said thanking it. According to some, uh, friends who watch porn – not really close friends, more like acquaintances, really… I barely know them… okay, a group of friends and brothers who I had a discussion about it with once – there is a HUGE increase in real women and older women in porn. And porn is both live and extremely low-budget… so there’s no editing, no cleaning up, no retouching, no cuts, no computer enhancement… What you see is what you get. And they’re not ‘perfect’, oh no. They have cellulite, and stretch marks, and blemishes, etc. etc…. and that’s the younger ones. The older ones also have wrinkles and are a little chubby or whatever….

But the guys are EATING THAT UP, so to speak! Guys not only don’t care about one or more imperfections, they also don’t care about age! Older women, MILFs, cougars, soccer moms, etc. – guys love that, and a couple of wrinkles by the eyes or something are totally unimportant. No, what guys are looking for, or at, is not a woman with a perfect body, but a woman with confidence.

And I can hear you all thinking ‘but you can’t have one without the other, Hotspur’ – and you couldn’t be more wrong. Attraction is about more than looks, more than physical. Let’s step away from the porn for a minute… HEY! Step away from the porn! Come on, leave it alone. Just for a minute…. and talk real life. Are the guys interested just because it’s porn?

I would submit that they are not. Guys are interested in women who aren’t necessarily 100% physically perfect, aren’t necessarily young, aren’t necessarily ‘on’ all the time ANYWAY. That’s what guys are looking for now. And the porn just reflects the popularity of the preference THAT ALREADY EXISTS in men. So stop worrying about every little thing! It’s like worrying about the lower left hand corner of the center left middle section, halfway up, of the Mona Lisa – NO REASONABLE PERSON is looking at the picture that fucking closely! They’re looking at the OVERALL picture! And that’s what they’re doing with you as well.

Now, some of you might be thinking that this post is all over the place and completely makes no sense and is typical of a guy, but to that I have just one thing to say:

It sure is clueless in there.

Edward Hotspur

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236 responses on “Highly Confident Guy Explains Women To Women”

    • I’m glad you think so. This one’s making me nervous. Not because I’m afraid women will be offended, but because I’m afraid women won’t understand the post and I’ll have to explain it again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man, that was funny.

      But yeah, a little nervous about this one.

  2. Oooooo- do you ever get hate mail?

    You forgot a few things for your ‘Contributing to a woman’s insecurity are’ list-
    Men.

    Men who watch porn and wonder why their woman can’t do/won’t do/ or doesn’t want to do the things the Porn Stars do which, in many cases, are a bit unrealistic and are then dissapointed and compare their woman to said Porn star. How do I know this? because I do.

    Men who say ‘we don’t care what you look like’ but then jackoff to their Playboy magazine with the perfectly sculpted woman on the cover.

    Men who tell their woman ‘hey, you need to lose a few pounds’ even if she is already in shape. I see this happen often.

    Men who tell their woman a million different ways in which they love her and then cheat on her. You can argue that the dude has issues and it had nothing to do with the woman, but she will always ask herself “what’s wrong with me?”

    Men who generalize about why women are insecure because now we are paranoid that we do all of those things, even if we don’t, no matter how much confidence we have.

    Your list, as irritating as it is, is not wrong. It’s just not a complete list.

    And, are you watching Grandma Porn?

    • All I’m saying is you mention David Beckham every chance you get, and went to see a movie where guys strip and mentioned that a bit, and let’s be honest, Mountain Man doesn’t look like any of those guys, yet he’s not crying in his beer insecure. Why is that? Yeah.

      • And I’ll say this again- every woman who earns a spot in your blog post fits the perfectly sculpted/gorgeous category. Or was it their confidence that got your attention? You say men aren’t interested in perfection, but the 4th of July babes in flag bikinis looked damn near ‘perfect’ to me. I know it’s not ‘real life’ and ‘all in fun’, but I look at that and think personality isn’t all that matters. It may not be 100% true, but it isn’t 100% false either.

        And how do you know if my man is or isn’t crying in his beer insecure? You don’t know that.
        He is insecure,about many things,for many different reasons, just as I am insecure about different things.
        Insecure men are just as whiny and annoying as insecure women are, and there are plenty of them around.

        Your points are valid, but mine are as well. Hmph.

        • You do get that these are pictures… and there’s no possible way for me, or anyone, to discern any personality traits or confidence levels from just a picture? You do also get that on a Google image search for ‘flag bikinis’ the first few pages are going to be women of a certain type?

          In other words, if you see a picture of big juicy apples and a picture of apples that are a tiny bit brown on the edges, you would probably choose the picture of the big juicy apples… but for all you know, the actual apples might be poisoned. That’s why real life choices are different from picture choices.

          And that’s my point! Which I made a few times! The pictures people choose to put in magazines are not representative of what people are choosing in real life.

      • Dang. Why’d you have to go and make it personal? This couldn’t have been sent in an email?

          • You are offended that I suggested a better way to handle differences (emailing someone or otherwise taking misunderstandings with someone you obviously have an online “relationship”) instead of pulling her marriage into in publicly?

  3. I forgot to mention that Mountain Man was not happy and very insecure about me seeing Magic Mike. He may have even cried in his beer over it. He definitly had angry eyebrows over it.

    • I see you saw it anyway. Does that mean you are being normal, or that you are being insensitive to your husband’s feelings by looking at hot guy movies and not The Full Monty? And does it mean you are being hypocritical when you point out the bikini flag post? Hmmmm

      • Let me be clear about something- My Mister didn’t express his disdain or disgust until after I saw the movie. He had no opinion about it before I went because, wait for it, HE doesn’t always say what he means! So maybe he is a woman! It’s your opinion that I was being insensitive to him, but not the truth.

        And as far as Google goes, yes, I do know how it works, but thank you for pointing that out and dumbing it down for me.

        My point, which I made a few times, is that it can APPEAR to be hypocritical of someone to say “That’s why real life choices are different from picture choices.” and “The pictures people choose to put in magazines are not representative of what people are choosing in real life.”, yet the only photos you choose are of a certain type of woman, nothing like what you describe up there in that post. Again yes,I get the Google thing and yes, I read your point, but your readers may still see a dsiconnect between your personal point/opinion Vs. your actions, whether or not they are indicative of your real life choices.

        My bottom line- I can’t stand generalizations about things like ‘why a woman in insecure’. There are many reasons for it AND there are many reasons why a man is insecure. You know, like abusive childhoods, abusive spouses, porn- add those to your list and give them some fair time in your post.

        I have mood swings, but they have nothing to do with my confidence level. Do you even understand what a mood swing is? I’ll send you my medical chart so you can read up on the subject. Do they make me insecure? Nope.
        Other women don’t attack me. Sometimes they are bitches, sometimes men are bitches.
        In my house, I say exactly what I mean, I am married to someone who does not. Your generalization there is, once again, wrong in my case.
        Thank the porn industry? Are you kidding me? Maybe the women are more ‘normal’ looking- ok, nevermind, they are NOT more normal looking, at all, nor do they do normal things. No, I won’t thank that industry, ever.

        Your view point is not entirely wrong, but it is not entirely right.

        • I’m sorry, Ginger. In the future, I will write two posts, one that is general and one just for you. Or maybe I’ll write one for every conceivable position? But I suspect you saw my title and came out shooting.

          Some of the things I said, including the stuff about mood swings, was a response to or based on Freechick’s post. Did you read that? Or did you just take my post out of context? Because gosh, my not mentioning other sources of insecurity or discussing guys’ insecurities at all sure would have been more acceptable if you had seen that it was based on a post that did the same.

          • No need to ‘apologize’. Write one just for me? That would be spectacular- writing about every conceivable position on this subject would be a breath of fresh air.

            Assuming I ‘saw the title and came out shooting’ is also wrong. I don’t do that. Why would I do that? I respect your writing too much to form an opinion based on title alone. I simply disagree with some of your points and you disagree with mine. Does that bother you?

            It is difficult to take what you say out of context when you are pretty clear as to what you are saying. You don’t mince words, do you? You stated that ‘you will fire the first shot’ in response to her post, and then you listed her points as well as your opinions on said points. I then fired the 2nd shot & gave you my opinions and what things appear to look like to me.

            And no, I probably will not go over to FreeChick’s site and say that, do you know why? Because I don’t know her, at all, and I have never read her blog. I will debate with someone I ‘know’ and challenge their viewpoint more easily than with someone I know nothing about.

          • You can’t stand generalizations, yet you are virtually ignoring the hundreds of thousands of words I have written, which is what passes for “personality” in this not-real-life situation, and beating me over the head with the pictures I’ve used. I disagree that my posting of such pictures can appear hypocritical, since this blog is not real life. But at the same time, I certainly hope that the pictures of men that you have posted haven’t all been smoking hot. THAT might seem a little hypocritical.

            I think some of the complaints you have made about my post are unfair, since my post was a response to a post that was itself limited in scope. I said I would fire the first shot, yes – and that first shot was to say that it’s not just men that don’t understand women. Women don’t understand women either.

            Your list that basically blamed men for women’s insecurities was a little one-sided, too. The things I listed are FAR MORE to blame than men. It’s not men who are telling a size 6 on America’s Next Top Model that she’s “plus-sized”. It’s not Real Husbands of Blah Blah County. It’s not Groomzilla.

            Finally, there have to be some generalizations, and literally everyone has made them, including you. If we didn’t use them, there would be no conversations.

          • I will agree to disagree with you Edward, on all accounts.
            Forgive me if you feel I am being unfair. I don’t feel the fairness stick being directed towards me either. You’ve assumed a few things about me in this exchange and you were wrong.
            There is a difference between ‘complaints’ and ‘opinions’. I am not complaining- but I do think there is waaaay more to this issue than what you have written about.
            In your mind, your list is FAR MORE to blame than men. In my world, the examples I gave about men/abuse,etc, are FAR MORE to blame.

            Your blog is not real life? Really? So all of your opinions, poetry, rants, musical interests, etc. are not real/not who you are?
            That is enlightening.

            I’ll leave you alone now- lucky you.

          • A quick check of the last few pics you’ve posted of guys reveals Beckham shirtless in underwear, Micah shirtless and ripped, and Ryan Gosling. Does that send a message about your opinion of guys, Ginger? Should i start accusing you of idealism?

            And not every woman has a jerk man in her life, but arguably nearly every woman watches tv and/or movies and/or reads cosmo-like magazines. So no, the things on my list have more influence.

          • You know what I don’t do, Edward? I don’t make statements about what kind of men women like nor say things like ‘confidence & personality is what really matters over body type’ and then post photos of the typical bimbo who doesn’t fit the ‘normal man/woman’ descrpition. You post those pics for entertainment purposes, I get that, as do I, yet I cannot separate them from your comments about not caring about weight/wrinkles/cellulite.

            Accusing me of idealism is your right, but I will submit that your post up there is the same thing. And at the end of the day, do you really care what I think about it or is it nothing more than not liking the fact that someone disgrees with what you said?
            You aren’t going to back away from your opinion, nor will I back away from mine.

            As far as the things on your list having more influence? Not in my world, and you act as if you are a sociologist when it comes to the issue of women and their insecurities.

            I need to ask again, is your blog real life, as in ‘really you’? The opinions, poetry, rants, musical interests, etc.,? You said it wasn’t and I don’t think that is correct.

          • If I use your logic, then I should call you out for posting pictures that belie your claimed true feelings. You post pictures of predominantly white men, but I can’t separate that from your comments of having dated exclusively black men before your husband. I do not say that I dated predominantly black males and then post photos of the typical white male that doesn’t fit the description.

            The difference is that I’m not going to question your opinion of black men on the basis of the pictures you post. Instead, I’m going to accept the words you used at face value, while also accepting that just because you like black males doesn’t mean you ONLY like black males or that you must necessarily limit your pictures to those of black males.

        • I’m betting you’re not going over to Freechick’s post and say “I can’t stand generalizations about things like “why women are insecure”, though.

  4. Really interesting post, Hotspur. Women take everything we see so seriously and interpret it personally. Hubby tends to talk like any man and ogle at the pretty girls, but I have security in knowing I’m one of those girls. It’s not that I have perfect anything I’m just at a point where I’m comfortable with what I look like and who I am…I think that comes with age and maturity…I just never ask ‘how do I look?’. I just go with it…

  5. let me see if I can say exactly what I mean here… the thing about beating around the bush? conditioning. FIrst becasue we were lessthen men and now becaue the fucking feminist movement screwed it up by making any one of us that makes a request a demanding ball busting bitch…. sayings it is cod in here instead of just asking for a coat? also a great way to tell if a guy is too selfish to think of anyone buy himself – great date week out material… the body image? men men men… who takes the pics and writes the mags… and ,men are the reason that bitches hate each other because the are under the false assumption – oh if we get mad at the other itch we can get rid of her, ent our anger and hurt, and still keep the cheating lying son of a bitch – men eat this up…, and it goes both ways…. I got more to say but I want to make sue am being CLEAR>>> Y..i mean Y

    • Men are the reason that women hate each other? I disagree with that as vehemently as I disagree that women should have to wear burqas because some man might have an impure thought. People are responsible for their own actions. That includes fighting for a less than stellar mate, whether male or female.

  6. furthermore – I am 42 years old i have had six kids and I have dimples on my very nice ass, stretchmakrks on my not quite fkat stomach, and boobs that went from DD at preg to a now… much smaller with a little sag and stretch m marks… my nose is crooked, my teeth need fixed,but I am pretty dam good looking woman for a woman my age and I am also wicked smart and hella confident in that itself., I see sopme poor sap middle age guy looking at a pic pf some hot plastic babe and I say you poor slob you dont know what you are missing….. and I stay away from the hot young guys for the same damn reason…nice to look at butr give me a real man my age and that is hella more sexy to me…. I hate generalizations yes I am aware I use them too but it pissed me the fuck off…, and YES I have no problem going to whoever hers is and saying the same damn thing.. except.. I got something else…. but you also just tore up ginger for expressing an opinion – wow way to erode that conficdence you think we should have there Edward…. wtf

    • I’m trying not to make this personal – I really am.

      Ginger appeared to be saying that men are the cause of women’s insecurities. I disagree. She also came pretty close to calling me a liar on my position about women and body types and such, based on pictures I posted on this blog. I also disagreed with that. That one felt like an attack. And at the same time she was attacking me, she had just gone to see a movie that was all about hot guys stripping AND had posted pictures of David Beckham shirtless and pantsless. So… Ginger can look at hot guys for two hours in a theater and post pictures of hot guys on her blog, but if I post pictures of “hot” girls on my blog, I’m a lying insensitive jerk?

      Sorry, but no.

      • do you think mabe you were a little too sensitive becasue as you stated earlier you were nervous about this post? I mean obviously you knew it would ruffle someone’s feathers.. so I thihk Ginger had some really vaid ponts and donp;t think she was trying to personally blast you … until later anyways but that is becasue you missed her point..

          • and uh…. I didn;t do any of those things… and I think its hypocritical of you to blast women for not having the confidence in themselves, to say that is what matters and what is attractive…and then post those pics you do.,.. very much so… it doesn;t bother me – do what you want but it is what it is

      • If I wanted to call you a lying insensitive jerk, I would have. But I did not call you that because I don’t think that and you are not one. I can put my own words in my mouth, so please don’t do that for me.
        And now I will sign off by saying that I am VERY sorry for making you feel attacked. I didn’t like what you had to say on the issue and I made it even uglier. I don’t think you are a liar in any way, nor a jerk. Seriously. Our opinions are vastly different.

        • “I can put my own words in my mouth, so please don’t do that for me.” Okay – then stop saying that I secretly want perfection despite words and evidence to the contrary?

          If I took your first comment alone, Ginger, I’d get the impression that you feel pretty strongly that men are responsible for the insecurities of women. I think women are responsible for their own self worth. I don’t care how many times a person tells me I’m X, if I think I’m Y, I’m going with what I think.

          • wow – sorry – that is easy for you being a man. you were never considered less then because you had the wrong plumbing – you were never told to submit – becauwe you are weak…, you …. this right there is a good point Edward but you are trying to skim over a whole ..culture of women as objects… and the feminist movement did nothing to help we are a bunch of confused and wandering – supposed to be all that ans a bag of chips and look fine too…. I can say that I am finally of the same mind.. I think y I don;t are if you say x… I am..who I am…but do you have any idea of the amount and depth of the crap I had to muddle through to get there? Its easy (easier ) for a man on leels you can;t begin to even know…

          • Feminist movement did nothing? I disagree. Do you want to go back to when you couldn’t work, or vote, and had to do all the domestic chores all the time?

            Here’s an interesting fact about me: I’m 5′ 71/2″ tall. I’ve always been one of the shortest and smallest people in my grade/class. So yes, I’ve been told to submit because I was weak – smaller, weaker, shorter, punier. I got over it. Sure, a lot of women prefer a taller guy – but not all of them. I didn’t let it become part of my confidence or part of who I was. I resent the implication that men have everything easy. I didn’t. I can post the things I do because I accept that not everyone has to like me or like what I create.

            By the way, interesting fact – did you know that Cosmo, Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Seventeen, Elle, Allure, Glamour, Marie Claire and Woman’s Day are all run by women?

          • yes I did know that..,and made for women and they are full of stories how to please your guy… how to be sexier and smrter and have it all and do it all and be it all…, a lady in the streets slut in the sheets… I am sorry.. I did make a huge gaffe there..I said easier.. I did not mean easy. No one has it easy in the complicated landscape of self esteem and social acceptance… the feminist movement – well I don;t really consider women’s suffrage a part of the said feminist movement and you are right it did not do nothing… but what it did on top of some of the good things is actually turn women on each other… in theory it was a good idea – the delivery sucked… why the hell do I not get a door open for me anynore? that is a basic human decency and instead of rising up to that standard… they took it as a put down.. I am sorry but a man opening a door for me in no way shape or form suggests to me he thinks I am weak r incapable…it is courteous and much appreciated so instead of admonishing men for thethings they did as a courtesy, maybe the ball busting bitches should have stepped up to that standard and opened the door for the man behind her…. stay at home moms are ridiculed by working moms.. working moms are called negligent and ..by stay at home moms… the movement, the theory, the philosphy were outstanding….its the human factor that fucked it all to hell up. Ya know what I will totally admit I am a height snob when it comes to men… not becasue i think being shorter makes them any less of a man.. but becasue it is more comfortable for me to have a man my height or taller… also though in my experience and here we go with maybe you will say it is a generalization but I am telling you it isn;t so much more than my expereince…,short guys have something to prove..not ALL but many get a asshole caveman me man mentality to prove their height doesnlt take away from the maniness of them… thats why there are jokes about it…, and fat girls and feminists and … yes there are sterotypes and generalizations becasue there is a majority that act certain ways.. I have been subjected to them and overcome them too… but if I openly admit like I just did that a guy has to be at least 5’7″ for me to even think about dating I will get blasted right? even though its about me..not so much them.

            we are all responsible for our own thoughts and feelings and the way we look at the world. but marketing and stuff is desogned to have a impact on that. when I was in hs.. the in thing was the skinny anorexic models.. guess who wasn;t close? I had an eating disorder… now I look at the girls today and they are heavier then I ever was.., and its.. fine..I thought great glad to see its coming around but its not just coming around its coing full circle and flip flopping…my daughter is worried her ass is too small…… if we all spent less time trying to control and manipulate and change the thoughts feelings and view of the world of others and focused that inwayrd…imagine what it would be like? tolerance? acceptance? enlihtenment? sorry my spelling and typing sucks but really ya know what? no one can make you do amything or FEEL anything without your consent and that is the truth. They can influence or do things that bring about emotions that then you react to a certain way… but we always have choice and we have free will…. I was 39 before I even bagan to figure that out. the thing we all look or is within.. why did it take so long… becasue of the external crap… a asshole exhuisband telling me everyday i was worthless… didn;t matter how I hung onto the thought that it was wrong… it sank into my psyche..and I bleieved it becasue I didn;t even know it was there….. sorry about the length of this reply…. you pushed a button.. and I chose to let you know my feelings..

          • You stepped in it. I’m a jerk for putting up pics, but it’s okay for you to have height requirements. So maybe go take a big drink of yourself

          • i didn;t say you were a jerk. is that your inner tape player? you pissed off the girl so you must be a jerk? do you think you are a jerk Edward? I didn;t step into it…, you are throwing it at me.. I was honest and wtf do you care if I have issues with height…, see here is where you are proving MY point without even trying… I SAID..its MY issue… i SAID I think nothing less of a guy cause he is short…but let me tell you something… I like tall guys cause I like that feeling of being completely engulfed and safe.., I like tall guys cause I don;t ave to scooch up on the bed to “fit” into them I like tall guys becasue I am a tall girl… when I got to bed with a guy I want a guy who donminates me in presence and other things… now Mr Hotspur, you are perfectly capable of doing that ..I am sure…,but not to me. because I like my guys taller then me. should I settle cause it isn;t nie to hurt a short guys feelings? WOw I am such a fucking ignorant narrow minded bitch right? no… I have a hell of a lot of respect for you.. I like the way you write, you have a sharp wit, excellent humor.. I even have you on my blogroll you ass…. the ONLY thing that your height has anything to do with…,is SEX and physical intimacy…. which 1. you are married and I am not anywhere near you. 2. 5’7″ is fine. 3. All that aside… let;s go back to highschool… you wanna be a dick cause I said I like tal guys and you consider yourelf not tall…. I was a fat chick..,you wouldn;t have given me the time of day much less gave a shit WHAT I thought of guys height. I don;t give a sdhit how tall you are.. does that affect your brain> your ability to have a intelligent and witty conversation… wow… If I didnpt read your blog cause you are too short for my liking.. then I could see that ….. Goddamn right its ok for me to have height requirements cause I can say it… you arent a jerk for putting up the pictures … you are a jerk for denying what is obvious…, personal accountability…try it instead of jut talking about it…

          • What if your asshole husband told you every day that you could walk through walls? Would you try? Believing that you’re crap is just as silly to me as believing you can walk through walls. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

            Also, many women have something to prove. Many people do. And many people don’t. You know what? There is nothing realistic that I can do about my height so I don’t worry about it. It hasn’t been much of a problem for me.

          • um… you are getting really defensive.. I am sorry if I said some things that touched some buttons but .. you have ot expect that kind of thing when you put up a post like this..yes I realize it wasn;t YOUR IDEA… but my point is that we can say that we are immune to the crap we hear and are exposed to.. I don;t believe you are.. I knew what my husband was doing and thought by that knowledge I was immune to the sestruction to my ego and self esteem… somewhere in your head.. is a tape playing that says you are short and not like the others.., you aren;t that short btw and goddamn it why are you getting so pissy with me… I havent attacked you have I..oh exccept the hypocrite and i dont agree with you… ok.. your actions seem a little conterintuitive to the words you are spewing… and so the fuck what? I have an opinion and ya know what if he told me every goddamn day I could walk into walls I sure as shit would try it one day.

            I actually did.. it hurt

          • Seriously? Go back and read your comments. But you’re right… I should just let you talk…. but no, there’ s nothing I can do about my height. Why worry about it?

  7. otherwise.. I laughed a little – not your best work – hought wise but I think I see your point.. but some of these things arent the majority – if they were Iwould leave it all alone but I am a real woman I love my grls – I may or may not tell you what I want and please Edward – mood swings? did you use that cause she did? What a crock… I got mood swings all right …. but uh gee…. why is that? ok.. I am frustrated tosday and you got the brunt of it…but dammit… You are a hypocrite to say that its confidence and then post the pics you post…. good GOD man… I see those pics and think ug.. if you mean it then find something else…..put my picture up there…. I dare you. cause if confidence in ourselves is the key then I guarantee you wil think that is hotter then the plastic bimbos you put up there – l

  9. oh and becasue I am on a roll and having a fuking mood swing your little dissertation about the women that discount a man cause he is bald and pudgy – middle age.. gee I wonder WHO ELSE DOES THAT????? oh didn;t mean to yell I get carried away in my moodiness just fucking deal with it cause I am a woman and mood swings are inherent to my womanly being…. YOu know how many dates I haven;t had because some middle age twerp discounts me for beng too…. not plastic bimbo babe? ha!! snd ya know what? their Loss… FOR SURE

  11. Everybody calm down. Don’t you see what is happening here? Ed has the guts to get us to talk about real issues that are part of every relationship we will ever have. Okay, he does it with flair and humor, but that is why we need comedians and social sattarists… to make us examine things we don’t feel comfortable looking at. I don’t have the guts to make people angry just to start a dialog, but because of that, my blog is sort of watered down and weak. Don’t shoot the piano player if you don’t like the song.
    (Not that you need anyone sticking up for you, Ed)…

  12. Oh, now THAT is the most fucked up twist of words you have thrown at me yet! Ha. I dated black men and then married/settled on a white one- so by your ‘logic’ my comments and my photos match up perfectly.

    You forgot to answer my question: is your blog real life, as in ‘really you’? The opinions, poetry, rants, musical interests, etc.,? You said it wasn’t.

    Nevermind. Perhaps you avoiding the question is, in fact, the answer.

    • Okay, fine. I married a woman who is now in her 40s, who has a few of the “imperfections” we’ve been discussing, and I still find her irresistible, sexy and confident, especially when she looks at me that certain way, so your argument is invalid.

      Is my blog really me? The stuff I do is NOT like Stephen Colbert, where he’s playing a weird distorted character version of himself. It’s more like Jon Stewart, to use an analogy. But that’s still just TV, and this is still just a blog! How the hell does knowing a certain body of facts ABOUT me constitute knowing the real ‘ME’? I would never claim to know the “real” ANY of you, no matter how well I think I know you, because all I know about you is here online. Do I really have to say that it’s not the same thing?

      • The argument is only invalid to you.

        You have said on here, more than once, that you are the same person on this blog as you are in real life. That is why I asked the question. So now that I know I am watching Ed TV, and not Ed in Real Life, I can look at it a little differently than I was before.

        • Okay, now you’re telling me how I can and can’t argue? You think that since I post the pics I do, that must be what I like, to the exclusion of all else. It’s not. You’re wrong, so please stop making that argument or implying it.

  13. For your continued survival I suggest that for the next year or so you run like mad as soon as you see anything remotely feminine approaching …

    • I know, right? How dare I suggest that women (and men) are responsible for their own sense of self-worth and shouldn’t place it in the hands of some other person, group of people, or society in general!

  14. Erm….ok. I should just say that my posts are always, always tongue in cheek when it comes to general stuff (unless they’re personal diary like posts). I’m not sure Edward should be getting quite as much flack as he is, he does have some valid points. Nobody else is responsible for us feeling good about ourselves, but from personal experience and that of my friends, men don’t seem to realise just how much women can take things to heart when it comes to appearance (and yes, I’m generalising). A perfect example is a friend of mine. She’s 28, married with 2 kids. She has stretchmarks, cellulite and yes she has boobs that aren’t as pert as they once were. Despite this though, she is gorgeous. And I don’t do bias. Anyone who reads my blog knows who she is because she’s the only person I’ve referenced by name and can check her out themselves. Point is, she still gets so low to the point of almost crying because of how she thinks she looks when all it takes is a point of reassurance as to how she looks. She might know deep down that her hubby thinks she’s gorgeous, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear it. I have to say, I disagree that we have mood swings because we’re insecure. Mood swings are pretty much hormonal and chemical, the root cause is nothing to do with insecurities. And the bit about us not recognising a mood swing when we have one – sometimes we just don’t! There are times when I’m in a stonking mood and I have no idea why – it’s always after the fact that I realise I maybe acted a bit churlish.

    To be honest, it feels more like you’re getting aggro because this is a kind of ranty post, which mine was never intended to be. When you start laying blame, you’ll get shot down. That being said, you’re entitled to your opinion and if others don’t like it then tell them to jog on.

    Ginger – we haven’t spoken before (but your avi looks v familiar) – if you want a debate then don’t be shy! I never shy away from a good one.

    • Yeah, it has some rants in it, and I expected kneejerk about my porn comments, but the “it’s all men’s faults” claim is a bit much, and the “if you don’t post normal women you must be lying” implication is ridiculous. Unless it’s the other way around.

      • It’s not all men’s fault. Anyone who thinks so needs to examine themselves – blaming men for everything wrong in the world is a weakness in my opinion.

        • Oh but Freechick, you didn’t mention how men blame women for everything, like in the middle east where women have to wear burqas so a guy won’t have a thought, so you fail! Fail! Ha ha ha!

          Did I do that right?

  15. Stop letting society decide how you should look. The fashion industry is not your friend. Plastic surgeons are not your friends. Fashion magazines are not your friends. In the same way that crack dealers are not your friends.

      • youd like to think so but… this is something that comes with time and experience don;t you think? I mean we can say this is all good sense but .. and I don;t know you so I dont know oviously – I didnt know that we were supposed to be our own standard bearere until I was way older … just me I’m crasy so eh..

        • True, I agree there. Most comes from experience etc but I think confidence about yourself is something that starts from a very young age also. Theres nothing wrong with liking girly mags and aspiring to make yourself the best you can be – weight, hairstyle etc, because all of these things increase your self confidence, but it shouldn’t be seen as the models etc being better than you are. I just think in a good relationship both parties should be saying what turns them on about their partners. Works both ways.

        • Its a nonsense. Society will always dictate what you wear – always. Doesn’t matter where in the world you live. The fashion industry, I agree with you in terms if body image, for sure. These industries thrive because people want a quick fix, it’s far quicker to get a nip tuck than put effort in at the gym for a year and eat well. And I’m sorry to say but there are guys out there (and women!? Who make a point of ogling every hot guy/girl in their vicinity and don’t think it will affect their partner!! Yes I love Mathew McConaughey’s ripped abs and I’ll blatantly salivate watching his films but you know what? When I’m laid in bed or watching my guy gettin dressed in the morning I’ll tell him how sexy I find him, love handles and all. It’s communication. People just assume that because they’re with that person, their partner will just know they still find them attractive. How many films, books etc portray a husband or wife suddenly leaving their partner and launching themselves at a younger model? It’s no wonder some people are insecure when they think this is the norm.

      • I would like to think they are too… but I don’t have that kind of faith. Cosmetics is a huge industry. So is clothing. Despite what the magazines tell us, only super models will look like super models in some outfits.

        • But why are these things the devils spawn? Contrary to popular belief some people just love cosmetics and just love fashion, doesn’t mean they have low confidence :) but yes, there are some clothes that just hang better on a slimmer frame and it’s a shame some women aspire to it and let it bring their world crashing down when they realise they can’t get it. But in reference to partners, it shouldn’t be all on them to provide a confidence boost, it just helps. I was looking at it from the point of view when his don’t get why their missus won’t have sex with the light on than anything else! Lol, like I said, light hearted.

  17. I’m almost afraid to enter the forum. I read both your post and the Freechick’s post, then I checked her about page to see how old she is and she describes herself as 20 something.

    I’m not a fan of generalizations and labels for people. I don’t understand the women not liking other women thing as that has not been my experience. I don’t hate all women and learn to like a few that I then call friends. I strive to treat everyone (men and women) the way I would like to be treated and most of the time that works out. I surround myself with positive, energetic friends both male and female. I have never cancelled plans that I have made with a girlfriend because something better (think guy I’m attracted to asking me out) comes along. I’ve been in that position and I tell the guy I already have plans and suggest an alternative day/night.

    I think it is true that women don’t always articulate their needs/desires well and tend to think men should be mind readers. And lest, any women reading this think I’m betraying the sisterhood, there are also men out there that don’t say what they mean and mean what they say. With women, I think much of it comes from cultural conditioning and it is very difficult to overcome, but it can be done. However, some of the not saying what you mean for both men and women is due to passive aggressive and/or manipulative behavior.

    As to mood swings, yes, we have them. Much of that is hormonal and with more severe cases, there could be chemical imbalances in the brain. However, while not as common, men have mood swings, too. And if you (meaning your female readers) have not been through menopause, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. For about two years I would cry for NO reason. It was weird. I could be talking about how to roast a chicken and I would feel bad about the chicken and start crying – WTF? But though the occasional hot flash remains, the severe mood swings have retreated. The upside of menopause is that sex is better than ever!

    As to the body image thing, again there is quite a bit of cultural conditioning to overcome compounded with the retouched, airbrushed images of what the media deems desirable/sexy that we are bombarded with daily. At some point, everyone has to look at themselves naked in front of a full length mirror until they like what they see. Often beauty lies in imperfections.

    Confidence can be faked until you feel it. But Mr. Hotspur is correct in that nothing is more attractive in a person (male or female) than confidence. It is typically what draws you to someone. Again, there can be so many reasons why people lack confidence and it can be deeply ingrained if they grew up in abusive environments. But I think often confidence comes from confronting our fears and realizing that the fear was unfounded which makes us more likely to confront another fear and our confidence grows each time.

    You raised some interesting points. On a side note, if you ever want to feel like a giant (not that I think you ever would, but if you do), just stand next to me. I’d suggest you could stand next to Hellis but if I remember correctly, she is a fan of very high heels. I rarely wear high heels and if I do, they aren’t that high, not even two inches because anything above that hurts my feet and it just isn’t worth it. Lest (second time in a comment for that word) you think this is also because of my journey through menopause, I’ve never been a fan of heels and never wore them everyday. I’m just comfortable with my smallness ( as if three inch heels change much if you’re not even 5’1) and since I won’t be wearing heels, but Hellis probably will be, you’ll feel more gigantic next to me.

    Oh, one other thing about women (some, not all) that you may have noticed. We can be a little wordy at times.

    • The women not liking other women thing, really? You’ve never experienced it? I’m 28, and aside from two of my friends, the rest are older – mid thirties to early forties. Literally every woman I’ve come across will get the claws out after a drink or two. I think you’re probably the first person I’ve come across who hasn’t seen or been affected by the bitchy side to women…you’re very lucky! I do wholeheartedly agree about the mood swings though. My ex-mother in law was menopausal and they made absolutely no sense. The chicken thing? I’ve seen it. Going by Edward’s post, it should almost be a rational thought that a mood has been swung…it just doesn’t work that way. You speak a lot of sense though.

      • menopause gets worse? you mean there is worse? oh.. I am doomed. I should probably lock down the comouter – hey is there a n app for that? mood lock… I was over 40 before I ever hated another woman and its becasue of her not Because she is a woman and the only reason I know her is cause she is married to… nevemind.. before that I hung with guys because I wasn’t a that girly girly and had an older brother who is 10 mos older and well back then guys made sense….You said it so very eloquently Sandy (what you said) and I agree with much of it..and you said it in a way that isn;t particularly arguable … I was being a bit sarcastic and I think brought the defensies out… which is another good lesson…

        • Freechick – it really has been my experience that women are supportive and encouraging of one another. Perhaps it is the period of time that I grew up (I am 55 so I was a teenager in the 70s), but even female friends in their 30s and 40s are that way, so perhaps it is how we were raised or perhaps we attract what we project or the natural pull of like minds think alike, but I really don’t understand this bitchiness you encounter so often and I feel bad for you. Of course, I don’t understand bullying and in thinking back to my childhood, there was a bit of teasing that went on among kids but the kind of severe, emotionally damaging stuff that I read about today was extremely rare.

          Lizzie – menopause is worse only if you define worse as functioning on little sleep (I rarely sleep for more than four consecutive hours and often get five or less hours of sleep a night), never being cold thanks to hot flashes which no one can fully understand exactly what it feels like until it happens to you sort of like becoming a parent in that can’t explain how it will feel aspect, and losing your memory – not significant events or even yesterday but certain words that seem forever on the tip of your tongue or some fact that you know you know but you can’t recall. But after awhile, you just accept it is one of those I can’t change it so I just need to go with it and once you get to that point, you care a little bit less about so much or perhaps you just realize how tiny we really are in the grand scheme of the universe or at least the one we reside in.

          • oh, well I usually go on 2 to 3 hours sleep..meds make me hot all the time.. I forget everything and I have been losing words lately well for awhile.. so maybe I wont notice it so much? I think three must be sonethig to the age thing with Freechick… I am between you two and can say I am between you two.. :-) I have seen it but not so much been involved… wonen can be brutal.. but I see my daughter and the way she is and I am astounded at the animosity towards other girls… I dont remember ever feeling it.. but well I have been forgetful lately ;-)

          • You mean the 20 something? Yes my mind automatically thoughtso too (no offenceto Sandy).See. Just hard wired to think that way. I have to say that if the rest of the post wasn’t nice I’d have thoughtit was a dig

          • I wasn’t being dismissive in my mention of Freechick’s age. After reading her post, I looked at her about page to get a little context to her remarks. The era that we grow up during can influence our perceptions and understanding of our world. It seems to me that a seismic societal shift has occurred over that last couple of decades and behavior that would be unthinkable 30 or 40 years ago seems to be more and more common. Sadly, I fear we are devolving rather than evolving and losing a bit more of our humanity along the way. Of course, Mr. Hotspur’s dismissive about someone’s age comment could also be taken as dismissive of an older person because of his or her age.

          • No it couldn’t, because my comment covers all age ranges. I’m pretty sure it’s been established that generalizations are bad, and that would include generalizations based on age, no?

          • “No it couldn’t, because my comment covers all age ranges. I’m pretty sure it’s been established that generalizations are bad, and that would include generalizations based on age, no?”

            Well, to be semantically technical if your remark covers all age ranges, then a reader might apply it to any age range and have a valid argument, so the answer is yes, it could, not no, it couldn’t. However, I agree that generalizations in general (like how I did that?) are not helpful and are often destructive and divisive.

            On another note, congrats on the 100K mark!

          • My point is, what does a person’s age have to do with the validity of their statements? My other point is, how does saying that to you involve your age in any way?

            And thank you. 2.2 million more and I’ll be up there with the Idiot!

          • This comment of Edward’s gives me the image of a shit stirrer roaming around a party whispering things in people’s ears and then stepping back to gleefully watch the explosion.

  19. Uh…yeah.
    I am not sure I have anything of consequence to contribute, because it seems as though everything that can be said on the matter has been. Instead I will just say this:

    I (Hellis) in no way resemble the woman my good friend Edward Hotspur described. In fact, in many ways I am the polar opposite of that image. But if there is one thing I know to be true about EH it’s this:

    He is always genuine, and is not afraid to speak his mind.

    Even though I do not know him personally, I am convinced that the majority of the women EH has known in his life time resemble the portrait he has painted above, and that makes me support his opinion of it; despite the fact that in most instances his opinion does not apply to me. To tell him he is wrong because I personally do not resemble that portrait will not accomplish my goal, much like telling someone who’s been beaten by a hammer that not all hammers are bad. Clearly he has put time, thought and now effort into this post, and wouldn’t do so if he didn’t believe wholeheartedly in what it was he had to say.

    In the year I’ve spent in blogworld I have never known him to intentionally seek to hurt someone. I truly believe this post came from a place in Edward Hotspur that was meant to reveal to women what he perceived are ways for us (yes, I said US) to improve ourselves if we felt as though we are lacking. Quite a few of us believe we are.

    I understand why women reacted to this post, because I too would not want to feel as though someone were presumptuous enough to tell me all the ways I might improve myself. Had this post been written by nearly anyone else I might have told them off. But I know Edward Hotspur well enough to know that he meant no harm or disrespect to any of us.

    I’m with ya, buddy.

    -Hellis

    • I’ll just say thanks for the sentiment. Although you seem to basically agree with everyone and are giving me a pass only because of our friendship. If you want to cut loose, feel free. The bloom is off the rose, and the baby is ugly, and all that.

      The thing about generalizations is that, surprise, they don’t necessarily apply to any specific situation. But I’m having a hard time with “men look at perfect women instead of their wives” paired with “hot soccer star is hot!”, and “why should women have to be perfect and fit a standard” paired with “I only date guys over a certain height”. I’m also having a hard time with “a man is responsible for everything wrong in my life”. If you’re an adult, you’re responsible for your life, right or wrong. Even if things happened to you as a child or a teen, the older you get, the more it’s your fault if you let it affect you.

      A man is responsible for everything in MY life though. That man is me. Maybe I’m not responsible for what happened to me as a child, but I’m responsible for how I handle it as an adult.

      You folks have a nice day, and try some of the chili. PMAO trained monkeys to make it!

      • edward – why is it you only pick out the fucked up parts top focus on – what aboput the really good points that wree made… YOu should be a politician – or a camlpaign manager… write a book… HOw to take a comment out of context and use it to destroy. you would probably make a kiling I hear you are a pretty popular author already. You called me a retard once…. I can find it and copy nd paste it right here and make you look like the biggest asshole in the world. but that wouldn;t be right because then it would be out of contexct. . I mean really you wanna start with the nanna nanny boo boo shit? well Im rubber you are glue… stick it!

  20. News flash:

    I don’t agree with anyone because this problem does not and has never pertained to me. Sorry, but I grew up between a crackhouse and a whorehouse so something as insignificant as whether or not ANYONE finds me attractive makes no sense in a world where I never knew if I was going to eat the next day.

    I am so God damn impressed with myself that I never let my ghetto upbringing stand in the way of becoming the woman I am that I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me except for me. I am not defined by someone elses opinion or influence, least of all mainstream media’s. My eleven year-old daughter can tell you who Amelia Earhart is, but couldn’t name a single Kardashian. There are reasons for that, and they’re spelled M-O-M and D-A-D.

    As for my childhood, I never cared how big or small my ass was in high school. All I cared about was not getting raped on the way home. My daughter doesn’t have a clue that a world like the one I grew up in exists and that alone is enough to feel proud of myself for. Fact is that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what I’ve been able to accomplish in forty years. The problem as I see isn’t who says what to women to make them feel valued or devalued, it’s why women give a shit in the first place. This woman sure the fuck doesn’t.

    There you go, Hotspur. Now everyone can hate me.

  21. Searching4afuck2give: Not taking you seriously because of your name =/= being offended by you. In other words, if you don’t give a fuck, why are you here? Are you, perhaps, “a shit stirrer roaming around a party whispering things in people’s ears and then stepping back to gleefully watch the explosion”?

    But I’ll address your comment. Ginger brought up her husband in her very first comment, making it fair game. It’s possible I was wrong in that assessment, but based on the comments that followed, I don’t think so. Go read it again.

  22. I don’t know. I suppose, based on the comments, I was supposed to be offended, but it didn’t offend me. And your comments on porn made me laugh. *Shrugs*

    That said, some of the comments reminded me of something a friend of mine said. Yes, men love a low-maintenance, natural beauty with a great personality, so long as she’s stayed relatively fit and recently shaved her legs!

    Ignoring all media is probably the key to self-esteem. It’s also a perspective thing, simply knowing that people are more than the sum of their looks, which is not the kind of wisdom that teenage girls or young women excel at… As my own daughter gets older I may need to come back and update this comment…

    • I’m pretty sure I at least implied this, but zero still images convey any personality traits whatsoever, and all movies/TV are pretend personality traits. Why women use any of that as role models – looks only, or fake onscreen personality – is beyond me.

      • I don’t know why women do it either. I think it might be subliminal. I’m also curious how my own daughter will be someday. Mostly I just hope she’s too busy with sports to waste her time on TV and other crap.

      • Okay, but the curses are limited to 1950′s style curses? What does that bloody leave me with? I never even use the word bullshit on my own blog.

        I’m afraid WordPress will start charging me quarters or something. On the other hand, it does force me to actually use my vocabulary…

        • First Amendment, or whatever passes for it in your country, means you can legally say whatever you want. In practice the blog owner can edit or censor you. But i’ve never censored any comment except ….blah blah blah….. you can swear if you want to

  24. Wind,Rain,Darkness,Light,Voices inside her head- I bet Storm from X-men doesn’t face those issue. Hell she might even create those to piss other women off hehe. Nah, this post is not clueless. I got it, and women are clueless ,we are ,well it’s mostly mood swings. Mostly… ;)

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