03 | July | 2012 | Edward Hotspur

Depth Of Feeling

“Oh, my ring! You found it! Oh… oh no! You found my ring!”
“Make up your mind, lady. Are you happy I found it, or not?”
“I’m happy it was found, but not that you found it. You weren’t supposed to see it. No one is supposed to see it!”
“What is the deal with the ring? And what’s your name?”
“Samandralinaskaringhamfordwaketorinaldehyde Abernathy-Piledriver. You can, and probably should, just call me Samandra.”
“I was thinking more like Sam.”
“That would be okay too.”
“I’m Jonas Ark. So, the ring?”
“Um…. nothing?
“Oh, it’s nothing? Okay, then I guess I’ll forget about it.”
“Whew! That’s good.”
“Are you crazy? I’ll never forget about this! Watch.” He put the ring on, and reached down the edge of the cliff wall. Then he took it off again, and banged his hand against the sidewalk. “This ring somehow makes this drawing real. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but I’m going to find a really cool drawing and see if I can actually go there.”
“NO! No. You’ve got to give that back to me. I can’t lose it. They’ll kill me!”
“Who will kill you? And do you mean kill you, be very mad, or kill you, snuff out your life in a horrible fiery flaming death?”
“That second thing.”
“Oh no. Well… Do you have another ring, by any chance?”
“Actually I do. Gah! I shouldn’t have said that!”
“Sam – what’s going on? How is this even possible?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t remember hearing about anything like this before. Are you with the government, or some shadow organization, or…”
“Another dimension.”
“Another dimension. Right. Of course. How silly of me.”
“You just stuck your hand into the sidewalk and you’re all skeptical now? Do you think that makes sense? Why do people get selectively skeptical all the time? Remember Independence Day? Randy Quaid’s character claims to have been abducted by aliens, and his buddies are like “Yeah, right”, and meanwhile there are DOZENS of alien ships over every city on earth! I mean, you know?”
“Ah, good point. Speaking of that, what were you doing over, or under, or inside… What were you doing in regards to that drawing?”
“Sigh. Is there someplace secret we can talk?”
“I’m pretty sure my apartment is safe.”
“Is this a trick to get me to sleep with you?”
“No. Why, do you think it will work?”
“Sigh. Let’s go.”
“Did you just say the word ‘sigh’?”

They headed to Jonas’ deluxe apartment in the Sky, a mediocre high rise in an average part of the cityvillagetown. Sam’s brow was furrowed the entire way back, and Jonas couldn’t tell if it was because some of the sights and sounds were unfamiliar to her due to her being from another dimension, or because she was sitting on the handlebars. They rode the elevator up, and once inside his apartment, Jonas hung up the bike on a hook and led Sam to the kitchen.

“Would you like some coffee?”
“I sure would, but I don’t have any, Sam. Besides, shouldn’t I be asking you, since you’re in my house?”
“I guess. But I have this self-brewing self-heating coffee I’ve wanted to try. Are you game?”
“No, I love women. I mean, once I kissed a guy in college, but that was-”
“No, GAME. Are you willing to try this coffee with me?”
“Oh….uh….yeah.”

Sam took two cans out of the backpack it wasn’t mentioned she was carrying, and set them on the table. She twisted the bottoms of both cans, and in a few seconds the smell of fresh-brewed coffee filled the room.
“Do you like these air fresheners I got? They smell just like coffee!”

She took two other cans out and pushed the tops in. In a few seconds, the smell hadn’t changed much, but she unscrewed both tops and handed Jonas one of the cups.

“Bottoms up! Or, no, actually, it’s hot coffee. Be careful. Bottoms slightly off the perpendicular. Bottoms slowly tilting up so as to release some of the liquid slowly into your mouth, because the coffee is pretty hot. See, if you drink it too quickly and too much, the coffee will burn your mouth, and that’s why the warning signs are there.”
“Oh, the warning signs are there, alright.”

Jonas sipped the coffee cautiously. It was delicious! Oh, the glorious other dimension! Why are other dimensions always so much better, or worse, than this one? Huh? This dimension sucks.

“So, these rings – what are they made of? What do they do? How do they work?”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone what I’m telling you, and you also have to promise never to use the ring anywhere near a portal that has creatures in it, around it or coming out of it.”
“Coming out of it?”
“Yes. If you do, they will come through just like I did, and this cityvillagetown will be overrun with some kind of monsters, or insurance salesmen, or Nigerian money launderers or something.”
“Oh, heavens. We don’t want that. I promise I won’t. Only the nice, pleasant, pastoral scenes.”
“Good. Okay, here goes: The rings are made of folded sheets of carbon nanotubes joined with a crystalline lattice structure that conducts ambient power from the sun and focuses it onto the chalk. And the chalk is really… well, have you heard of that battery spray paint?”
“Yeah! It’s like, battery components that have been broken down and liquified and put in a can, and when it’s sprayed it can store power and be recharged.”
“Right! Well, the chalk is like that, only instead of just storing power, it creates a slightly out-of-phase connection between our two worlds.”
“Amazing. How different is your world from ours? Are you all technologically advanced to the point that this world looks like a backwards farming community?”
“No, Jonas. In fact, the rings were actually invented here in your world. In your country. In your city.”
“On my street, right? Ha ha. So how did you get them?”
“Someone here used one to travel to our world, and landed in our lab. So one of our guys flipped on a stasis field and took it, reverse-engineered it, and mass-produced it. Not millions or anything. Just a few dozen.”
“Your lab? Are you a scientist?”
“Well, not a fully-trained scientist yet, but yes. My dad is more the scientist. I hope I can do a fifth of what he does someday. He’s a genius. Anyway, the chalk was made in our lab while we were trying to figure out a way to coat wafers. Parts of the wafers disappeared and reappeared when power was applied. We figured out that when you take chalk and apply-”
“OH! OH! Your dad! Your name! That Granite guy! Your dad gave some detective a present, some ringtone copyright or something! Shoot a beaver, or an otter, or something… aquatic…”
“Yes! My dad is Shootapenguin Abernathy-Piledriver! You’ve heard of him?”
“Barely. I heard the name from that detective.”
“You know Granite Countertop?”
“Not really. I just delivered a package to him. I’m a courier. He had an office in this inflatable bouncy house place. Strange. Him and his office.”
“Yes, he has trouble keeping office space. I forgot about his birthday! That’s why I came here. To give him one of the rings as a gift.”
“So what’s the story with your dad and this detective? And the whole ‘you’re from another dimension’ thing?”
“Well, I’m only half from another dimension, and half a puddle of water from this dimension.”
“Of course you are. Because otherwise it would sound completely insane.”
“No, it’s true.”
“Sure it is! Also, I’m not drinking any more of this coffee.”
“Ring opens a portal to another dimension! Come on, Jonas. All this may seem strange, but in time you’ll accept it as fact. And get bored with it, and go looking for other strange stuff. Trust me. I know. When you have a father who nourishes a rose bush, ‘extremely strange’ takes on a whole new dimension.”
“Ha ha. Good one. But… puddle of water?”
“Yeah, he converted a freezer into some… device I don’t really understand, and then got in it and froze, then went out and melted, but somehow didn’t die.”
“So he did this after you were born?”
“No, he was just a kid.”
“Then how did… And who would have…”
“I know. I’ve wondered that too, but it’s my parents and it’s sex and that’s just… gross.”
“So what’s your mom, a mermaid?”
“Ha ha! No. She’s only half mermaid.”
“Which half?”
“What?”
“Never mind. So, you were coming here to give this Granite guy a ring. How did you happen to be hanging from the cliff wall? Oh, and is the artist guy working with you? Does he know?”
“He doesn’t know that he’s creating portals, no. But he knows that someone is paying him to draw these images on the sidewalk, and that he is not supposed to let certain people see him. Some organization is trying to take the secret from us. They’re evil. You know the drill.”
“Take over the world?”
“Sort of. Take over all the worlds. Exploit the differences to become rich, and eventually dominate all the dimensions. That sort of junk and stuff. Like, you know?”
“Fir rills.”
“Anyway, one of these people came along, so I used the ring, hung from the cliff wall and took the ring off. It trapped me in the portal, but I had someone coming to rescue me before you came to rescue me. Speaking of which, I wondered what happened to her.”
“Should we go and look?”
“No. Once she looks and sees that I’m not in the drawing, she’ll just go.”
“Will she look for you?”
“Of course she’ll look for me. I’m her girlfriend. We’re lovers. And I haven’t seen her in a while, so I’m sure we would be very happy to see each other.”
“Really? I’m absolutely sure that we should go look for her immediately! Now! We go now!”
“No, not really. Jesus, you guys are all alike across all dimensions. One little hint about lesbians, and you’re all hyperfocused and manic. Too easy.”
“Shut up. Are not. That was mean.”
“I know. Well, we’ve talked enough in this part of the story, don’t you think? We should probably explain a couple of things and then leave.”
“You’re right. It’s overdue. So, were you doing anything else besides giving the detective a ring? And by the way, isn’t that dangerous?”
“No. He’s got this thing where nothing bad happens. He’s got some luck cloud that follows him around. My dad tried to quantify it once, but then got distracted with the whole Higgs boson business. He figured that would be easier to find.”
“Right. So who exactly is trying to steal this technology?”
“Can I trust you?”
“Of course! I would never tell anyone about your lesbian lover or my participation in your sex life.”
“With this information, you tool.”
“Oh… yeah.”
“Okay. Long story short-”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just the first time I’ve ever heard anyone lead with that. Normally people say that after they’ve already spewed out a long story, and it’s much too late to make it short anymore.”
“I know, right? Anyway, WIZ tried to kidnap my dad and force him to make stuff, but my dad somehow got Granite to get him out. They were holding him in some kind of seriously messed-up hall with all kinds of doorways and passages and twists. All the experiments that they did were corrupt somehow, and they expected my dad to fix it.”
“So this WIZ organization, where are they from?”
“Organization? No, it’s just one person. WIZ.”
“But you said ‘they’.”
“We haven’t… we don’t really know what gender WIZ is, because they’re a shapeshifter too, and there aren’t really… well, what’s a neutral pronoun besides ‘it’?”
“Vim?”
“That’s crap. They all sound fake or stupid, so we just use ‘they’. Besides, as a shapeshifter, it seems to apply, don’t you think?”
“Yes, actually I believe that is reasonable and a completely fair and useful appellation to assign this creature with indeterminate gender, whereby easing communication concerning this creature, henceforth referred to as ‘they’ or ‘them’, and fostering cooperation and union amongst their enemies in hopes of brin-”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Sorry. Uh, long story short, that sounds good. So is they, or are they, looking for anything in particular? Or just general world-ruling dimension-conquering devices and information?”
“Probably both. But there is one thing we know of for sure. Ever since Granite foiled WIZ’s evil plans, WIZ has been looking for the method of that enfoilmenthoodness. It seems that WIZ tried to shoot Granite with a mind control dart, but instead it pierced a bottle of pills Granite had. When Granite didn’t go down or start obeying commands, WIZ asked him to toss the dart back, which he did for some reason, and the Genuflectrol-coated dart stuck WIZ’s finger. It made WIZ practically worship Granite long enough for him and my dad to escape. But WIZ’s ears still worked, even as they kissed Granite’s ass, and they heard all about it. Now they is, or are, looking for it with a vengeance. Literally. They want, or wants, revenge.”
“Whoa! Hold up – some evil shapeshifting alien wizard dude-”
“Or dudette.”
“Right, or dudette, is looking for this Genuflectrol and will kill to get it? I just delivered some of that to Granite! I could have been totally killed and junk! Are you people crazy?”
“So Granite has a bottle of Genuflectrol right now? He could be in great danger! Or as close as Granite can come to being in that. Come on! We have to warn him!”
“Hello! Nearly killed here!”
“Oh golly, an outside chance of some remote possibility of something happening might have happened, but didn’t. Are you kidding me with this? You weren’t in any danger! Let’s go!”
“Fine. Just forget my mortal peril. Sure. Let’s go. Wow, good thing that bathroom breaks and sleeping aren’t discussed much in these stories. It’s already the next morning!”

They got back on Jonas’ bike, and then got off as they realized they needed to unhook it, open the door, ride the elevator down and walk it out through the lobby to the street before they could go anywhere. Stupid morons. Anyway, as luck would have it, they had to once again travel down the sidewalk with the chasm drawing on it to get to Granite’s bouncy house office. And that meant passing Jonas’ ex-girlfriend’s building. He was not looking forward to it. And sure enough, as they walked the bike through the no-rider zone, there she was. Shannon. Looking as beautiful and feeling as evil and nasty as ever.

“Oh, hi there Jonas! Is this your new girlfriend? She’s cute! What brings you to this part of the cityvillagetown?”
“This is Sam. Sam, this is my ex, Shannon. We were just passing through, Shannon. Don’t worry about it. Don’t you have a wedding cake to order or something?”
“A cake? Who told you? I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you. Not because of you – I’m just kind of bored with that. I’ve done it so much! So how did you know I was getting married?”
“Are you kidding me? You told me yesterday evening!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I came here last night. You were here! I delivered a package. Don’t look at me like that – it’s not a euphemism. I’m a courier. You let me in, and I put the package on your table. And you were your usual self.”
“Jonas… I wasn’t here yesterday. I was on vacation to Spain, Portugal, China, Japan, Australia, Greece, Norway, the Bahamas, the Virgin Islands, Brazil, Argentina, Cameroon, Morocco, India, the Maldives, New Zealand, Canada, Alaska, Easter Island, the Galapagos Islands, Indonesia, Austria, Germany, England, France and the Netherlands with Tony.”
“Ah, yes. Tony the billionaire. How nice. Where were you the day before that?”
“Silly, you can’t see all that in a day! It takes at least six months, not including cruising through international waters.”
“You’re killing me. Anyway, if you weren’t here, then who was? Do you have a package on your table?”
“No, there were no packages anywhere in my penthouse mansion suite.”
“Jesus, can’t you just say ‘apartment’ like everyone else?”
“But it’s not an apartment. It’s a penthouse mansion suite.”
“Fine. Have it your way. We’re outta here.”
“It was nice to meet you, Shannon!”
“You too, Sam!”

As they got to the edge of the no-rider zone, Jonas looked daggers at Sam.

“What?”
“Meh, mehce meh meet meh, MehMeh!”
“She said I was cute! I had to be nice to her.”
“Sure, lady. Just check your kidneys for knives.”
“You’re overreacting. She was hot, Jonas. I see why you liked her. I might switch sides for that.”
“Really?”
“Ha! Pathetic. Way too easy.”
“Dammit!”
“Gets you every time.”
“Stop toying with my…. wait a minute… if she wasn’t there, then who was? Whoever it was, they were pretty convincing. And whatever the package was, it was probably a setup. But who would… oh no! You said I wasn’t in any danger! But I was totally in all kinds of danger!”
“What are you talking about, Jonas?”
“I could have sworn whoever it was looked just like Shannon! Shannon is crazy, but her craziness leans more towards psychopathy and sociopathy, not multiple personalities. She would never pass up the opportunity to mention how she had gotten zingers in on me, 10 or 20 times, if possible! If she says she wasn’t there, she wasn’t there. And she doesn’t have a twin sister. Because I would have… SHUT UP! But she doesn’t. That means only one thing.”
“You have multiple personalities?”
“No, idiot. WIZ. Shapeshifter, you said. Looking for my package. Stop it! Looking for the package I was carrying in my hands. No, I mean… The parcel which I was bringing to Granite. WIZ was looking for it! But I had it on the bike, and he or she or they couldn’t get close enough.”
“You… you might be right! We’ve got to warn Granite!”
“Not until you admit I was in mortal danger.”
“No, you weren’t.”
“Yes I was!”
“The only mortal danger you were in was spontanteously combusting from the heat between me and Shannon.”
“Really? You really thought she was-”
“EVERY time!”
“DAMMIT!”

They rode off towards the bouncy house place, not realizing that they were being followed. Well, they were being followed in a manner of speaking by a lot of people, because it was a sidewalk in a busy cityvillagetown, but they were specifically being followed by one individual. And they didn’t know. They were being tailed without their knowledge, is the point I am trying to get across here.

Click Here for Part 3!

Edward Hotspur

Edward Hotspur

Hey, I'm up here

Daily Archives for July 3, 2012

Song For GingerSnaap

A Quick One

Jonas Ark in: Depth of Feeling (Part 2)

Depth Of Feeling

Follow “Edward Hotspur”

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Depth Of Feeling

Share this:

Like this:

Follow “Edward Hotspur”