If I Win The MegaMillions

To the tune of If I Had A Million Dollars:

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well, I’ll buy whatever I want
I will buy whatever I want
And if I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
I’ll buy more of whatever I want
Maybe a nice IKEA, or a furniture warehouse

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well I’ll buy you a K-Car
And a car for all the other letters too
And if I win the MegaMillions
You’ll kiss my ass

If I win the MegaMillions
I’d build a literal tree-fortress of solitude in my massive acreage
If I win the MegaMillions
It will be fully automated and voice activated
If I win the MegaMillions
Maybe I’d put in a tiny little fridge robot
Yeah, he’d bring us cold refreshing beverages until he ran out
And then he’d go get more while we drank
And sat on the couch and watched shows on our theater-sized screen
They have theater-sized screens in theaters but not in houses
Well can you blame them?
Yeah – or I can hire someone else to blame them

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well I’ll buy you a fur house
But not a real fur house, that’s cruel
And if I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well I’ll buy you a Penthouse Pet
Like September or November

And if I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well, I’ll buy you Michael Jackson’s remains
All them pedophiliac hit machine jamon bones
And if I win the MegaMillions
You’ll kiss my ass

If I win the MegaMillions
We won’t have to shop online
If I win the MegaMillions
We’ll take a limo ’cause it takes more time
If I win the MegaMillions
We won’t have to eat dungeness crab and lobster
But we will still eat dungeness crab and lobster
Of course we will, we’ll just eat more
And buy really expensive ships to eat it on
That’s right, like the Enterprise or Innerthighs or Lollypop

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well, I’d dye your hair green
Because you’ll do whatever I say
And if I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
I will buy you some taste
Fashion sense or you’re delicious

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
Well, I’d buy you a Monkee
But not Davy Jones, that’s cruel
If I win the MegaMillions
You’ll kiss my ass

If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
If I win the MegaMillions
I’ll still be awesome

Edward Hotspur

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20 thoughts on “If I Win The MegaMillions

  1. Favorite lyric ‘But not Davy Jones, that’s cruel’
    This song was running through my head on St Pat’s day.. while looking for a cruel green dress.
    Fun post! Many thanks

  2. Now this is the kind of poetry I enjoy! Bet you didn’t think you’d ever hear me say that!
    Will this tour of Hotspur Circle of Friends Who Need Money come to Canada too? I could really use a few bucks. And I’m not too greedy, just saying.

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