Morning, class! It’s 22 November 2011. Okay, I start everything with okay, and it’s sort of like a clearing of the brain. It’s cleaning the lint trap of my vocal cords. Why would I have lint in my vocal cords? WTF? Okay. And I just said it again! Jeez.
It’s another wet day. It’s wet. It’s so wet. Cloudy, of course. Dark. Just the way I like the morning, except for the raining part. I didn’t used to be a coffee drinker, but my wife has influenced me because she makes two pots a day. So I drank it when it was cold outside and just expanded it. I used to drink tea all the time, but the coffee is already there, and it would take 2 minutes to make the tea. I can’t wait 2 minutes. What’s wrong with me? I think if I had a choice, I’d pick tea. If they were both already made. Or, well, it depends. GAHHH!! I can’t even make up my mind about coffee or tea!
First, about last evening. I’m thinking about it now. I usually go to the gym and work out with weights, and then go upstairs and run, and that’s on top of whatever I walked that day. This time – I feel bad for the guy – but some asshole threw up all over the track, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they closed the track until they could get it completely clean. I didn’t feel like waiting 20 minutes for someone to clean the track, especially when that someone works at a gym, but takes the friggin elevator up to the second floor on her way to clean it. So I just left.
The track in the gym is hilarious anyway. They built this gym in a converted hangar, and the track was going to go all around it on the second floor. But someone changed their mind, or ran out of money, so they built it halfway. Now you have to run around the track 9 times to equal a mile. So if you want to go 2 miles, you tend to lose count. It is easy on your feet and knees, though, and when you’re my age, which is 82, that is important.
I need to do something different, though, because my body is adjusting to what I’ve been doing. And it’s the exact wrong time to do this – the Holiday Season! What a choice, huh? Literally work my ass off, or skip eating the pornucopia of food that is about to drop on this mutha.
But enough about me. This blog is about YOU! It’s for you by me. Yesterday I did a little thing where I went back in time *wink wink*, and I said good things happened to you all. Put it in the comments below – what good things happened to you yesterday, as predicted by yours truly. Not including getting to read one of my blog posts, of course. That goes without saying. So don’t say it. I’m warning you! Them’s fighting words! And poor grammar! *yawn* Just let me know.
Man, there’s another slow asshole. I hate slow assholes. Because… I was going to say something gross, but I won’t. I will spare you all the details of some kind of colon pushing out fecal – oops, sorry. They’re going 55 miles an hour. Why? There’s always someone that’s like “oh, I just got this car. And I just got Lasik and everything’s coming at me so fast!” But whatever, OMG. I think I can get over now and pass this fucking asshole.
Hey, turned out to be a woman. Insert your gender-based humor here. Because I sure won’t do it. I think women are excellent drivers, and you should be ashamed of yourself, you fucking misogynist! You know what else women do really well? They make sandwiches! Just kidding. Jeez.
I need to get new windshield wipers. Maybe I should get a sign and stand at the highway exit. “My kids can’t see out the windshield – please help!” Sorry, I shouldn’t mock people in times of need. What is my problem with mocking people today? I’m such a jerk, as I line up 3 miles from my work. And I …. yes… I have stopped. I am on the highway, and I have stopped. I have come to a complete stop. I’m stopping.
I’ve talked about this before, but there’s someone in front of me with an Obama ’08 bumper sticker. That’s why you don’t put political bumper stickers on your car. Unless they’re going to buy a “12″ to cover it up, it’s dated. Just put a sign in the back of the car windshield. What’s the resale value of a car with a bumper sticker on it? It will inspire hatred in half the population! For no reason, of course. But still. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cover political or religious topics on this blog, and I’ve pretty much stuck to that. But I will say that the Republicans are going to have trouble this time out. With scandals. Ha ha!
The trees are almost completely bare. They’re like a bunch of dirty fingers sticking up. I feel strange right now. My throat is so scratchy and my ears are stuffy. I am going to stop talking, and leave the radio off, and just listen to the sound of my heater and stay warm. I’m getting lulled into a false sense of security here, and I like it. Ahhhhhhhhhhh…..
…I am Zorro…